the pier.

[doubletap]

Let him just say it now--the kid had a lot of problems.

I mean, not really a surprise or anything--Alex had found him dried out in a desert, for crying out loud--but god damn.

Let’s recap.

Alex Seattle Geer found himself in love with a Vault brat from the Capital Wasteland with a daddy complex the size of Hoover Dam. Said kid loves him back--sometimes. Said kid would probably rather put another bullet between Alex’s eyes rather than spend time with him, and didn’t this just go to show it. Neil leaves to check up a rumor, said he’d be back shortly--shortly became two days and by then Dogmeat was back, meaning Neil took off somewhere he was worried the dog would get hurt at. Two days turn into two weeks and counting, and by then, Alex has tracked Neil’s steps, found the fucking pier, the fucking tool of a woman looking for her child, and all of the pieces are too easily placed.

Neil left for Point Lookout. And Alex, ED-E, and Dogmeat are left hanging in the wind.

Alex has been fucking camping on the dirty sand and shit next to that pier, waiting for that stupid kid to come back on that stupid ferry the woman told him about. Tobar the fucking Ferryman, and Alex feels like shooting the asshole just for submitting to Neil’s request. Probably not the guy’s fault, but-- Hell. Yeah. He didn’t traipse all over the goddamn country just to be left in the dust. Is the kid even coming back? Who fucking knows.

Alex will just.

Wait here.

Until Neil comes back.

Yeah, that’s not pathetic at all.

Comments

[doubletap]

Something shifts in his chest, and he's extremely uncomfortable. He wants to kiss Neil suddenly, just hold him and touch him, and it's fucking strange, because he's never wanted this with anyone.

And then, here is this kid.

"But now," he questions. "What are you going to do now?"

[goodfight]

Now. Right now, what the hell is Neil going to do? He remembers that dream, that separation of two distinct places and mindsets. His obligation. His freedom.

Neil breathes in, his chest heaving. "I don't know. I really--" Don't have a clue. "--don't know what to do."

[doubletap]

That was unfair of Alex to ask. He realizes it, then. He needs to hold to something he realized, kneeling down with his head against Neil's stomach is the med room. He'd be lost without this kid. He needs to show that, instead of just fucking around.

Alex reaches for Neil's hand, holds it between both of his own. "Then keep resting for now. Get completely up to stuff, then think about shit. Don't waste your energy on it now."

[goodfight]

Alex's hands hold a warmth Neil cannot ignore, and the younger man smiles despite the discomfort in stretched lips. "I can do that," he says quietly, "once I stop dreaming about shit."

[doubletap]

He shifts his hands and Neil's to his own leg, still bare as well. He doesn't mock or tease. "Tell me about it."

[goodfight]

What a difficult request, but Neil would offer the answer freely. There exists no other option, really. Not when he's stuck in bed, between a rock and a hard place.

"Dreamed about Megaton. D.C. The Mojave. The Pacific Ocean." All the parts and pieces to his dilemma. "Want to go San Francisco. I want to explore the west. But this--"

D.C. The Capital Wasteland.

"--is where I belong, I think. I was born here. Was supposed to--" Neil swallows. "--die here."

[doubletap]

The kid offers a dilemma. One that can be understood. But then he... He mentions that...

Alex wants to be that person. The one that can listen and a supportive shoulder. But he's in too fucking deep, and Neil mentioning that he should have died snips a piece of control that Alex didn't know could be affected. He remembers Neil mentioning being grabbed by Autumn--remembers him talking about that radiation chamber.

In the small bed, Alex slips on top of him, dropping Neil's hand to grab his shoulders instead. He leans to kiss him, deeply, nearly desperate, pressing against him. "You're not," Alex says, breaking away. "You're not held to anything. You don't have to do anything. You weren't supposed to die, Neil Park. You're still alive right now. You still can move."

[goodfight]

A beat passes, and Alex moves to settle on top of Neil, slipping down to kiss. To press against lips and body alike. Neil breathes harshly when they break apart, discomfort and pleasuring mingling, threatening to overwhelm.

Alex tells him he can move, and Neil-- "Alive," he repeats. "I haven't moved on my own in awhile. I've only been reacting." Having his switches flipped at the turn of every single event. "If that's being alive, I'd rather--" Be dead.

He stops, eyes widening in realization. He swallows down the words he wishes so desperately to speak, pushing them to the pit of his stomach.

[doubletap]

The sentence unsaid is easily guessed, and Neil seems almost as upset by it as Alex. He moves a hand to Neil's chin, holding him still as he kisses him again. "...Then stop reacting to other people, Wanderer. Choose what you want and make it your own. Kid, you own your own life."

Alex kisses Neil's cheek, his jaw, his neck, body shifting against Neil. "You're not going to be dead," Alex says, and it's almost a growl. "So you start doing what's best for you."

[goodfight]

Alex shifts against Neil, pressing kisses and damning words from his lips, and the younger man suddenly has trouble breathing. Cannot come down from whatever this happens to be. Discomfort transforms into pain as the heat from bodies and emotions threatens to overtake everything.

"Alex," he murmurs, his tone upset, near close to pleading. "I'm not..." Feeling well, too far gone, or going to die. He doesn't know.

He doesn't fucking know.

[doubletap]

His name in that tone from Neil's lips is fucking rare, and he's caught between stopping and continuing full force. He pauses, dropping his head to Neil's chest and resting it there. "...Fuck," he murmurs, realizing he's completely hard at the moment. Hearing that from Neil passed his threshold for control and it's teetering there. He really wants him. Wants to hear his name said like that again.

"...This probably isn't a good idea at the moment, huh?"

[goodfight]

There's a moment, just enough for Neil to catch his breath. For him to assess the situation, the missing space within his head. It hurts, even with all the medication, and it's threatening to progress into a full-blown migraine.

Neil exhales slowly as he realizes his fingers are curled tightly at his sides. He lets them stay as is for the moment. "No," he says carefully. "Probably not."

[doubletap]

He keeps his head leaning against Neil, wondering at the disappointment he feels. His hands slide down to Neil's hips, grasping lightly. "You're going to have to give me a minute," he says shakily, ending with an off-beat laugh. "You got me worked up."

And he would like to be worked down, thank you, but yes. No. Not a good idea. He will try to remember this through the lack of blood in his head.

[goodfight]

Somehow, that releases the tension in Neil, and he laughs breathlessly. He finally allows his fingers to uncurl, the bones popping from the motion. "Didn't mean to, sorry," gives Neil.

[doubletap]

Alex kisses the center of Neil's chest. "Don't ever apologize for that."

[goodfight]

Ah, that is awkward, isn't it? Apologizing for another getting riled up. "I'll try."

Neil sighs, his dark eyes closing in an attempt to stabilize. His head pounds to the rhythm of his heartbeats, and his fever's gone up again, but he manages to push the sensations to the background.

[doubletap]

There is silence and stillness, and if his body doesn't really find calm, he can at least find control. Or parts of it. He kisses Neil's chest again, then shifts, kissing slowly in a trail down Neil's torso.

Alex wishes he had been there. In that park. He wishes he had pulled Neil out of the fire before anything had happened.

[goodfight]

Neil breathes-- Tries to breathe. There are lips against his skin, trailing down his torso, and it knocks him off balance. Causes breathing to be uneven.

He stifles a moan, settling for a prolonged exhale. Neil wonders what is driving Alex's actions, if he's upset or moved by what was spoken prior.

[doubletap]

Alex moves to nuzzle Neil's waist, just above the band of his underwear, when there's a sound above his head, a sound muffled and breathed out instead. Alex bites the waistband and pulls, then lets it snap back with a cracking sound.

He moves to look up, to see the flushed cheeks and a mixed expression. He smiles, almost gently. An expression of care. "...Am I making things harder for you right now?"

[goodfight]

The snap stings against the sensitive, feverish flesh, but Neil gives away nothing. Only shifts uncomfortably, his dark eyes watching the expression on Alex's face.

The question rings of Alex-Seattle-Geer-grade innuendo, and the complicated face turns into something a bit more amused. "Harder," Neil repeats. "Possibly." He pauses, trying to accept the statement at face value, and attempts again.

"You care about me," he says quietly. "That makes things a little easier."

[doubletap]

The kid isn't denying care, and is actually calling back to it. Extremely surprised, Alex blinks, watching Neil. The man shifts up so they're face to face, keeping the weight on his elbows. He leans to kiss Neil's collarbone, then straightens back to watch him. "I care about you," he confirms quietly. "And I want your life to be better. This place is shit. I know it's your home, but it's not getting better. Just because it's stuck in one place doesn't mean you have to. Neil--"

Alex searches for the right thing to say. "You can choose anything you want right now. Anything. There's nothing you can't do. Nothing is holding you back. So think about what you want."

This is close to what he told him nearly two months ago, outside that Republic. This time it's spoken with care and deliberation. "Wherever you go, I'll keep driving you crazy, all right?" he adds with a small smile. "As long as that's what you want."

[goodfight]

A weight forms in the pit of his stomach, born out of memories and dreams. Alex tells Neil that he can choose anything, and somewhere inside of him, in the darkest corner of his existence, Neil responds. He believes that to be true. Yes, he can move in ways many can't.

He doesn't know if he should. If he should be allowed to grasp a better life when so many others here cannot. Didn't he once tell Alex that he's responsible for the changes in the Capital Wasteland? Didn't he come here to fix the pieces still remaining?

But it hadn't worked out. His memories had proven false. His expectations, virtually worthless. The Capital Wasteland was never his. It's a place that managed along just fine without him, without knowledge of him, and all the pieces he'd hoped to reassemble are just gone because that time, nearly five years prior, was never about his own damn life.

Neil remembers, then. His worthlessness. It quiets him; it smooths out the complexities in his expression. He looks at Alex as if lost, not knowing where to go, before looking away to the ceiling.

[doubletap]

God, he hates this place. This whole wasteland. His kid was a mess before, yeah, but this place is just ruining for Neil. Alex reaches to touch his cheek again, to draw attention away from his misery. "Hey," he prompts. "My bad. I told you that you didn't need to think about all of that right now, didn't I? Then I go and start talking again."

This is fucking with your head, kid. To the point in which you have periods where you're not even talking to me. "Neil, how about right now? What do you want?" It's still unfair, Alex knows, but he has to ask it. "Do you want to sleep? Want more meds? Want me to knock you out or fuck you unconscious?" He smiles at the last, an obvious joke. "Let me help you, huh? What do you need?"

[goodfight]

The hand on his cheek prompts Neil to look at Alex, to consider the man with open eyes. The other man's mien holds concern with a tinge of exhaustion and sobriety, and Neil knows it is all because of him. He's fucking twenty-four. He should at least try to not worry one person so much.

"It's not you. I think I'm just all over the place." What with a piece of his brain floating in a marked jar and all. Neil attempts a smile, which comes out strained. "Could you tell me how your plan went? I need something to keep me from sleeping for awhile." From dreaming, of course.

[doubletap]

Alex smiles more genuinely, then settles onto Neil--body in-between Neil's legs and weight on his forearms. For a moment, he reaches up, to brush hair away from the bandage on Neil's forehead. "It went fine," he answers softly. "You returned the dogtags of that guy's sister when you were here and he never forgot it. Due to that, and the fact that apparently there's a couple power struggles going on in the BOS, the guy seemed really fine with the fact that I killed his friends and a chapter back in the Mojave--

"Oh, right," he adds, something of delight in his eyes. "One of the guards upstairs, his parents are from Cali. Recognized the recon beret I got and helped defuse the initial situation. Got to say, it was pretty awesome. The knight had just shot me full on in the chest and I was just crouched around the corner like an idiot, and Cooper--the guard--just calmly holds a gun to his head. I like this group," he says, with a laugh. "This is like the first place I really like here."