the pier.

[doubletap]

Let him just say it now--the kid had a lot of problems.

I mean, not really a surprise or anything--Alex had found him dried out in a desert, for crying out loud--but god damn.

Let’s recap.

Alex Seattle Geer found himself in love with a Vault brat from the Capital Wasteland with a daddy complex the size of Hoover Dam. Said kid loves him back--sometimes. Said kid would probably rather put another bullet between Alex’s eyes rather than spend time with him, and didn’t this just go to show it. Neil leaves to check up a rumor, said he’d be back shortly--shortly became two days and by then Dogmeat was back, meaning Neil took off somewhere he was worried the dog would get hurt at. Two days turn into two weeks and counting, and by then, Alex has tracked Neil’s steps, found the fucking pier, the fucking tool of a woman looking for her child, and all of the pieces are too easily placed.

Neil left for Point Lookout. And Alex, ED-E, and Dogmeat are left hanging in the wind.

Alex has been fucking camping on the dirty sand and shit next to that pier, waiting for that stupid kid to come back on that stupid ferry the woman told him about. Tobar the fucking Ferryman, and Alex feels like shooting the asshole just for submitting to Neil’s request. Probably not the guy’s fault, but-- Hell. Yeah. He didn’t traipse all over the goddamn country just to be left in the dust. Is the kid even coming back? Who fucking knows.

Alex will just.

Wait here.

Until Neil comes back.

Yeah, that’s not pathetic at all.

Comments

[doubletap]

There is an explanation. Understanding that there was a chance at real loss. If that would have happened to Neil--

Would Alex have kept him regardless? Made up for any inadequacies with his own? He can't... He can't answer that. And he doesn't want to.

He drops his head into a hand, leaning on his knee. His other hand seeks out Neil's own, squeezing painfully tight when he finds it. "That guy's dead, huh?" Alex finally says, and his voice sounds strange--choked. "I can't kill him again?"

[goodfight]

...There is something painful. Something of loss unfolding before his eyes. Alex reaches for Neil's hand, grabbing tightly, and Neil wonders why this is becoming worse and worse. Every time the story of his time in the Sacred Bog (and with that man) is unveiled, Alex appears worse for wear.

Then Alex mentions the perpetrator. The ferryman Neil currently refuses to think of. The younger man swallows, and disquieted, he looks away.

"He's dead," he gives shakily. "He can't hurt anyone else anymore."

[doubletap]

"He can't hurt anyone else anymore."

Alex turns his head on his hand to peer at Neil, and he's wearing an awful expression. Still he speaks, heartfelt, as he did in the medical room over a day ago. "I'm really glad you're all right. I'm glad you're the fucking exception."

[goodfight]

He's glad. Alex is glad, and Neil believes he should be, too. That fate would have spelled the death of him, and truly, Neil exists as a creature who's set on living. Even if it seems sometimes that he seeks out an end.

Neil should be glad, but Alex wears a terrible face and Neil's mind is filled with terrible thoughts about a person who should be paste ground into the floorboards of the Duchess Gambit.

"Yeah," is all he can say. Neil closes his eyes, finding better solace in the dark.

[doubletap]

As if he had been speaking a moment ago, as if nothing horrific had interrupted, Alex speaks, in that same thick tone. "I deserve it because of how I was treating you, for one."

There's... a few others.

[goodfight]

Neil remains, eyes closed. Also, secretly glad for the quick transition.

"You were treating me fine," he gives, voice quiet. "I know I've said otherwise, but you didn't do anything wrong. I'm a dumb kid; of course, I should be treated like a dumb kid."

[doubletap]

Alex snorts, and looks back down at his lap. He releases the death-hold on Neil's hand and instead reaches to pick up the fruit, offering it to Neil.

"I don't think grabbing you off your feet and basically shaking sense into you when anyone blind could see you're fucked up is fine, kid."

[goodfight]

The release allows Neil to open his eyes, to again watch Alex. His expression becomes unfathomable.

"Yeah, well," begins Neil, who reaches to take the fruit from the other. "This is where I'd say I deserve that."

[doubletap]

Alex watches the fruit leave his palm, before continuing to stare at his palm without retracting it. "Yeah, well," he echoes without humor.

"We have different priorities." He pauses, then adds, "Why do you think you deserved it?"

[goodfight]

Neil holds the fruit before him, eyeing the patterns of fibers in the meat. He should eat it before he becomes too upset to attend to his own addictions.

"I left without telling you. Not even to inform you of where," he states. "For taking off in general. I should have just...stayed." Put up with it, the awkward emotions. The anger. The strange disconnect between them.

[doubletap]

"Neil," Alex speaks, calling attention. Even with the care that had laced the air between them, even the shifting emotions inside of Alex, this is something that needs to be pointed out.

"There's no reason to regret that. You acted like you always have been. The only difference is the length of time--which wasn't even your doing. Why the fuck are you caring about this?" A spark of frustration slips into his expression and he muffles it down. "You wouldn't have before. Don't let it bother you now."

[goodfight]

Ah. That's true, isn't it? The person he is (was) would not think twice about his own choices. He would have gone to Point Lookout, enjoyed the sights and sounds, killed some, gained some, and come back perhaps better spirited than before he left.

Why do we do anything?

But there is that man's toothy grin, caked in blood.

You travel the world, kill people, take trophies that interest you, and move on.

As Neil should be. Alex is correct. Neil Park should be moving on, not caught in regret over his own actions, mourning his choices. He wouldn't have before. He would be--

But I suppose it's time that came to an end, one way or another.

He struggles to breathe, to reason, to think, and all that remains are the images of Tobar the Ferryman. Tobar smiling, laughing, taunting even as Neil brought the shovel down, as he smashed its metal against flesh and teeth. Over and over again until there isn't even a face, only a thread of skin and a pile of red pulp.

Unable to speak, Neil closes his fingers over the punga fruit, the tips pressing in. The fruit practically crumbles beneath his touch, his inhuman strength, its juice and flesh flying in every direction.

[doubletap]

Well that... That says a few things, doesn't it.

The moment after the mess lays dripping, Alex reaches for Neil's hand. Attempts to uncoil the fingers before they dig into Neil's palm. The juice and pulp from the fruit are thick, sticky, and Alex only understands that there's something that Alex doesn't know here. Something that changed in the time Neil was gone. And Alex is an idiot, of course. Two violations happened to Neil and god knows what else... And here Alex is, harping on things that don't matter.

"...It's been a long couple of days," Alex says. "And a long couple of weeks before that. We should both just... focus on getting back to ourselves, maybe." An admittance, terrible as it is, that Alex is affected by all of this just as Neil is. Not in the same way, or to the same extent, but he is... ruined somewhat. By this and what happened.

Wouldn't the people that hate him love to know that?

"You've been dealing with that fever for a while, too. We should get washed up. Cool down." And clean the remains of regrets off of fingers and souls. Wouldn't that be nice?

[goodfight]

Sticky juice runs down his arms, dripping onto his face, and somewhere Neil accepts that he has simply gone mad. That he should just give up before more things become much like this punga fruit. When Alex moves to uncurl fingers, Neil lets him. Puts up no resistance. The younger only looks at the mess with something like apathy.

Alex speaks, and Neil can only respond. Talk as if he had not just pulverized a punga fruit.

"Okay." Neil moves to sit up, careful not to ruin the sheet too much. "That sounds like a good idea."

[doubletap]

When Neil moves, Alex reaches his other arm instantly to the kid's shoulder to steady him. Support him as he moves. Alex watches him closely, waiting until Neil is sitting.

"...Regardless of what's happened." In their past or at that ancient park. "I'm still right here, remember? I still want to be closer to you."

[goodfight]

The support is appreciated. It helps Neil straighten much easier, allowing him to drag his legs over the side of the bed. He should stand, with Alex beside him, without any major problems.

Neil tries as he responds, as he addresses the reminder. "I haven't forgotten, Alex."

[doubletap]

He feels like he's falling suddenly, windmilling out of control if he doesn't find something to steady him, because he feels like he's losing something in this moment, and there's something about that that's too familiar to touch, because it's something unable to be thought of, focused on, and--

There's a single beep from the doorway, emotionless, questionless, only a call for attention. And Alex's eyes rivet for a moment on the eyebot floating there.

The moment is broken by the dog wandering into the room, by the man next to Alex moving to stand. Alex stands instantly, puts a hand under Neil's arm to support him upward. After a moment, ED-E follows Dogmeat into the room.

"It's different," Alex says quietly. "Not needing to carry you."

[goodfight]

He hasn't forgotten, but it's not enough. There's a disconnection felt from the other man, something lost in translation, and Neil doesn't have the words. Doesn't have the sentiments to give Alex.

Another does, however. And time, as they say, moves on, and they move forward. With help, he is able to stand. Neil's grateful, and he cannot say.

Dogmeat pads over, silent as the grave, to nudge his cold nose against his master's shin. Neil stays as is, sandwiched between two, wavering on his feet. Alex speaks, and Neil--

"Less of a burden on you like this." He smiles, the gesture mirthless. "I think."

[doubletap]

The humorless expression is less amusing for Alex, and in spite-despite of the progress being made, he leans down regardless. Scoops the kid up with little effort until Neil is in his arms like before. Except possibly more coherent.

Alex grins down at Neil, mind more settled with him in his arms. Because he needs to make things easier for this kid, if not better. If nothing else. "Too bad I like you like this, then."

[goodfight]

There is nothing more humiliating for a young man than being perfectly coherent when another decides to sweep him off his feet. Very literally, in this case. Whatever gravity Neil has held simply vanishes to the air, allowing disbelief and exasperation to take its place.

He goes to struggle against Alex, to put himself back on his own two feet. Too bad the effort is futile as Neil spent his remaining energy getting up from bed. "Alex," he says, his voice strained. "Old man, you know I can walk. Put me down."

[doubletap]

Amused at the struggles--sobered by them--Alex tips his head down to nuzzle Neil's head, accepting any slaps this would provoke. "Nope," he says quietly, tucking Neil to hold him closer. "I said I like this."

[goodfight]

The reaction he expects is pure humor. Alex, however, offers affection, and it throws Neil off-balance, an aspect he already needs at the moment.

Thus, instead of hitting the other man, Neil flushes to a beet red, eyes flickering to their surroundings for evidence of witnesses. Aside from Dogmeat and ED-E, of course, there are none others. Still--

"No, really," he stammers. "This is too much. It's almost--" Romantic, is what he doesn't say. "You should really let me walk to the damn pool."

[doubletap]

His body had loosened in preparation of any hits, and when Neil only acts nervous in response, flushes a wonderful color in turn, Alex just--

Forgets. Maybe that's it. Maybe he just forgets his intentions. Just for a moment.

He kisses Neil's temple and holds him closer. Maybe somewhere else Alex would note the flush, tease Neil mercilessly for his reaction. But here, he just-- "You make me regret that I can't be inside you, Wanderer."

[goodfight]

In that instant, from that singular response, Neil stops struggling. He ceases his protests long enough to watch Alex with his dark eyes, to consider the one question he often overlooked in favor of pride. Of denial, of justification.

What is this between them, exactly? He said he loved Alex, thought of him as a friend, but he doesn't think he knew what that meant at that time. And perhaps now he thinks that he should have known.

He stills completely, falling silent, eyes still fixed, unblinking, on Alex.

[doubletap]

Alex pulls back, the smiles still lurking at the corners of his lips. "...What?" he asks finally. "Too much?"