the story in which Alex Seattle Geer is right for hating enclosed spaces,

[doubletap]

and Neil Park is blamed for his knowledge of vaults.

---

Terminal Entries:

1st Floor, Vault Entry-Room Computer:
- Data Entry 1: Year 20XX, Month XX; There's no escape.
- Holotape Entry 1: Y#4@ SDhig^8705 H98 [data corrupted]; This is hell and I want out of it.

1st Floor, Cafeteria Luncheon:
- Holotape Entry 2: Private Recording; I've had better?

1st Floor, Cafeteria Supply Room:
- Inventory List: Inventory List; A list of food....
- Data Entry 2: Shift Notes; Maybe I should tear the walls down.

1st Floor, Broken Cave:
- Data Entry 3: Preparations; Everything's fine.
- Data Entry 4: Near the End; I'll tell you the truth, but I won't give up my soul.
- Data Entry 5: Finally, the End is at Hand.; This is far enough.

1st Floor, Office:
- Data Entry 6: Vault-Wide Public Service Announcement; Get back to work everyone.
- Data Entry 7: Locked Administrative Reply; You're reaching for straws.

1st Floor, Administrative Secretary's Office:
- Data Entry 8: Drama Hoes; It is sort of funny that people aren't able to lie, though.
- Holotape Entry 3: Bill Self-Log; Byron's access still works everywhere.

Comments

[goodfight]

[A supply closet greets them, one stocked with actual useful items. Neil silently takes an inventory of things, wondering how much he can take before his pack breaks.

Much like this exchange.]

At the end of day, Alex, I'm just a kid.

[The same damn kid who once ran amok in Vault 101.]

I just want to be told that shit will be okay.

[doubletap]

[ Something shifts in Alex, then, something that causes gentleness to creep across Alex's expression--something that, if Neil looks back, he has probably never seen.

But it's not unfamiliar to Alex. It's the same thing he felt when he took Christine's hand and told her he would return for her.

That everything would be okay. ]

You're not just a kid, Neil. You've come a long way from where you started. Either way, it's true, though. Here, or out there, or where the fuck ever--

[ He shrugs, eyes closing. ]

Things will be okay. And neither of us are going anywhere.

[ No one's dying here. ]

[goodfight]

[Ah. This extends beyond what Neil can handle, beyond whatever kindness has ever graced his way.

He thinks he should be shaking from the overwhelming calm in his chest. Instead, he is perfectly still, eyes fixed on a wayward shelf.]

...Thanks.

[Thank you.]

[doubletap]

[ He understands. Somehow, here, he understands.

Neil is just a person like anyone else. ]

Hey.

[ He says quietly. ]

I love you.

[goodfight]

[Here, Neil peers over his left shoulder to look at Alex.]

I do, too.

[What he may hesitate to say elsewhere he willingly gives here.]

I will probably never stop loving you.

[doubletap]

[ Alex blinks; shifts abruptly in place.

Blinks again.

A call of devotion is not what he expected here. ]

Neil...

[goodfight]

[Shit. Shit and fuck. What he has spoken can never be unsaid. Another in his place, in his exact circumstance, may not be able to survive the aftermath.

Neil, however, will live with it. Live through the truth, even as it hurts.

He again looks away.]

Yeah. I said it.

[A hand raises to brush through his hair.]

You don't have to respond. Actually, I'd prefer if you didn't right now.

[doubletap]

[ He breathes in, nostrils flaring in some kind of emotion. He wants to speak, make things easier. Ask about the closet, the Vault--

You don't think you'll stop loving me?

He continues blinking, and clutches a hand to an elbow, knuckles white. He looks to the hall in a pretense of keeping watch. ]

[goodfight]

[Silence is given, and Neil grits his teeth in an attempt to keep from breaking open once again.

He fucked up, he thinks.

Reaching over to pick up a box of Dandy Boy Apples, the man glosses over the packaging, the list of ingredients and preservatives. All of a sudden, from practically nowhere, he grows hungry--so ravenous that his insides feel hollowed out. Feel scraped away to nothing.

The sensation should speak of warnings, of the vault holding their inhibitions hostage. Instead, it reminds him of that first week outside of Vault 101, the hunger threatening to consume him. To overtake him until it subsides to a mere whimper. Until he finally collapsed at the feet of old Lucas Simms and gained his pity.

Before he even notices, Neil starts opening the box and munches on an apple.]

[doubletap]

[ The sound of eating draws his attention and Alex glances back. Waiting for Neil to finish so they can continue. ]

It's stupid, I know--

[ He starts, as explanation. ]

But I don't know what you think is so great about a guy like me.

[goodfight]

Hm.

[Hunger unabated, he tosses aside the apple core before slipping his hand into the box again to retrieve the second.]

Isn't it the same for me? I still don't know why you even like me.

[Neil takes a bite.]

But there it is.

[doubletap]

I'm not the...

[ He shifts, something complicated moving over his face. ]

I'm not the kind of guy people settle down with.

[goodfight]

[How obvious.]

Not asking to.

[Settle down, that is. Not when there's uncertainty and things still lost.]

To me, you're it. I told you, didn't I?

[The wanted existence.

And like some monstrosity, he tears into the apple until it is gone in two bites.]

[doubletap]

[ He laughs, somewhat awkwardly. ]

You're contradicting yourself, a little. Settling down is being with someone forever, right?

[ Haha, STOP TALKING ALEX.

He looks away. ]

...I'm being weird. This place is weird. You're too nice to me.

[goodfight]

[Oh. Huh. Neil turns around fully to look at Alex. The apple core falls from his hand.]

Not quite what I was thinking. Isn't settling down like...marriage, family, babies, and shit?

[Making a life out of where one's former life ends.

He laughs uneasily as his hand reaches out idly to pick up a box of Fancy Lad Snack Cakes from its shelf.]

I've been a rat bastard. I should have just been good to you in the first place.

[He then grabs another food item.]

Ignore me.

[doubletap]

[ Alex's hand detaches from his elbow and whips out to swipe the food box. ]

You're driving me crazy, kid. You know that, right?

[goodfight]

[Swiper no swiping. Neil goes to yank back the food box.]

Explain.

[Other than the freakin' obvious.]

[doubletap]

[ You know that select aggression that comes out randomly? You know. From Alex Seattle Geer, usual master of his self and soul.

You've seen it a few times. That time in the Capital Wasteland outside of the Republic of Dave for one.

You see it again here in the form of Alex reaching to push you against the back wall of the closet, back slamming against the wall.

Alex's eyes flash. ]

Am I supposed to trust you on all this? This isn't a fucking joke, something you're gonna rip out from under me the second we leave here? Am I supposed to believe these are the things you really feel, instead of the bullshit you usually pull, and basically leaving me thinking you're irritated to hell with me half of the time? I'm supposed to believe all of this?

[goodfight]

[This is familiar in the way that it hurts, and not at all due to him being slammed against the wall.

It is cutting out the crap to get to the core.

Neil watches Alex carefully, the pain in his expression set in stone.]

I get it. I really do. Don't you think I know myself?

[Know the fear of intimacy and trust that drives him. That drives away the ones that might have stayed. Maybe.

But this is-- Much like Harkness's secret, like Marie's darling little life, like Ten-fucking-penny Towers, this is something he cannot go back on. He cannot be the same as he was.]

But this isn't a joke. The second we're out of here, Alex, away from its virus or tainted air or whatever, I will be exactly the same to you. I will never ever go back on the things I've said in this damn vault.

[doubletap]

Why?!

[goodfight]

[This question.

It shouldn't surprise him. It should be perfectly acceptable given their history, their careful concealment of their own reasoning. Why? Of course, it would be why.

It fucking hurts to hear. And it is a strangled cry Neil gives before he throws the other man off of him. Before he punches the side wall, his emotions amplifying his unnatural strength, causing the metal to crumble easily beneath his fist into a sizeable dent.]

Because everything I said is true!

[doubletap]

[ There's a message in this; to step gently. But gently does not mean comfort.

It never has. ]

That's not in question. It can't be.

[ The words flat; dull. But not empty. ]

Why won't you go back to how things were?

[goodfight]

[Jagged edges of pain shoot through his arm, pieces cutting through nerves and synapses, and Neil realizes he has effectively crippled his own limb from sheer frustration.

Perhaps it is the pain or the blandness in Alex's tones that does the trick. Perhaps he has spent his energy on his emotions. Either way, Neil forces calm. He attempts to find stability, even as his breaths come out harsh and ragged.

He leaves the hand as is, his face contorting further with pain, unable and unwilling to move from the dent.]

Yeah. Right. I'm sorry.

[There is a labored exhale.]

I realized I was wrong about you. In D.C., on the way back to the Mojave, here-- You've showed me how very wrong I was. And that-- Actually caring about me? Voicing that you fucking love me? Telling me things will be okay? The last time Dad told me he loved me, he was long gone. "Not a chance in the world?" "Not with the both of us here?" No one's ever said that to me before!

[He swallows a sob.]

How the hell am I suppose to go back now?

[doubletap]

[ He knew it and he didn't. That this affected Neil, that Neil was changing. But not like this. Alex thought Neil was understanding things better, understanding how Alex felt and thought better. He thought Neil was growing--he didn't know he was on the verge of breaking.

That while Neil has been saying all of the things that Alex had wanted to hear (because he had, hadn't he? Once, he must have had), that Alex in turn has been saying the things that Neil needs.

The things he needs not just to hear, but to have. To possess for his own. Worth. Care. Support. Family.

Despite Neil mentioning James Park, Alex is not Neil's father. It's only that Neil is comparing the only bonds he's had.

Step lightly.

--But there's no need for that, not really. Alex knows exactly how to move.

He steps forward, one arm pulling around Neil's shoulders to force him into Alex's chest, while his other hand carefully pulls Neil's fist backwards out of the metal. Hit him all you want in frustration instead--he's not letting go.

He presses his lips to Neil's hair; breathes out a sound of comfort and quiet. ]

...I'll say those things again. As much as you want. As much as you need. I'll repeat it over and over until it's the stable point in your life instead of all the mess you got instead.

[goodfight]

[There is closeness. There is comfort. There is fractured pain from his hands and arm and the ticking in his chest, and from against Alex's chest, Neil again gives a sound, strangled and harsh. His fingers twitch in their broken state, but no hit is thrown.]

You're going to make me never want to leave you!