the story in which Alex Seattle Geer is right for hating enclosed spaces,

[doubletap]

and Neil Park is blamed for his knowledge of vaults.

---

Terminal Entries:

1st Floor, Vault Entry-Room Computer:
- Data Entry 1: Year 20XX, Month XX; There's no escape.
- Holotape Entry 1: Y#4@ SDhig^8705 H98 [data corrupted]; This is hell and I want out of it.

1st Floor, Cafeteria Luncheon:
- Holotape Entry 2: Private Recording; I've had better?

1st Floor, Cafeteria Supply Room:
- Inventory List: Inventory List; A list of food....
- Data Entry 2: Shift Notes; Maybe I should tear the walls down.

1st Floor, Broken Cave:
- Data Entry 3: Preparations; Everything's fine.
- Data Entry 4: Near the End; I'll tell you the truth, but I won't give up my soul.
- Data Entry 5: Finally, the End is at Hand.; This is far enough.

1st Floor, Office:
- Data Entry 6: Vault-Wide Public Service Announcement; Get back to work everyone.
- Data Entry 7: Locked Administrative Reply; You're reaching for straws.

1st Floor, Administrative Secretary's Office:
- Data Entry 8: Drama Hoes; It is sort of funny that people aren't able to lie, though.
- Holotape Entry 3: Bill Self-Log; Byron's access still works everywhere.

Comments

[goodfight]

[How obvious.]

Not asking to.

[Settle down, that is. Not when there's uncertainty and things still lost.]

To me, you're it. I told you, didn't I?

[The wanted existence.

And like some monstrosity, he tears into the apple until it is gone in two bites.]

[doubletap]

[ He laughs, somewhat awkwardly. ]

You're contradicting yourself, a little. Settling down is being with someone forever, right?

[ Haha, STOP TALKING ALEX.

He looks away. ]

...I'm being weird. This place is weird. You're too nice to me.

[goodfight]

[Oh. Huh. Neil turns around fully to look at Alex. The apple core falls from his hand.]

Not quite what I was thinking. Isn't settling down like...marriage, family, babies, and shit?

[Making a life out of where one's former life ends.

He laughs uneasily as his hand reaches out idly to pick up a box of Fancy Lad Snack Cakes from its shelf.]

I've been a rat bastard. I should have just been good to you in the first place.

[He then grabs another food item.]

Ignore me.

[doubletap]

[ Alex's hand detaches from his elbow and whips out to swipe the food box. ]

You're driving me crazy, kid. You know that, right?

[goodfight]

[Swiper no swiping. Neil goes to yank back the food box.]

Explain.

[Other than the freakin' obvious.]

[doubletap]

[ You know that select aggression that comes out randomly? You know. From Alex Seattle Geer, usual master of his self and soul.

You've seen it a few times. That time in the Capital Wasteland outside of the Republic of Dave for one.

You see it again here in the form of Alex reaching to push you against the back wall of the closet, back slamming against the wall.

Alex's eyes flash. ]

Am I supposed to trust you on all this? This isn't a fucking joke, something you're gonna rip out from under me the second we leave here? Am I supposed to believe these are the things you really feel, instead of the bullshit you usually pull, and basically leaving me thinking you're irritated to hell with me half of the time? I'm supposed to believe all of this?

[goodfight]

[This is familiar in the way that it hurts, and not at all due to him being slammed against the wall.

It is cutting out the crap to get to the core.

Neil watches Alex carefully, the pain in his expression set in stone.]

I get it. I really do. Don't you think I know myself?

[Know the fear of intimacy and trust that drives him. That drives away the ones that might have stayed. Maybe.

But this is-- Much like Harkness's secret, like Marie's darling little life, like Ten-fucking-penny Towers, this is something he cannot go back on. He cannot be the same as he was.]

But this isn't a joke. The second we're out of here, Alex, away from its virus or tainted air or whatever, I will be exactly the same to you. I will never ever go back on the things I've said in this damn vault.

[doubletap]

Why?!

[goodfight]

[This question.

It shouldn't surprise him. It should be perfectly acceptable given their history, their careful concealment of their own reasoning. Why? Of course, it would be why.

It fucking hurts to hear. And it is a strangled cry Neil gives before he throws the other man off of him. Before he punches the side wall, his emotions amplifying his unnatural strength, causing the metal to crumble easily beneath his fist into a sizeable dent.]

Because everything I said is true!

[doubletap]

[ There's a message in this; to step gently. But gently does not mean comfort.

It never has. ]

That's not in question. It can't be.

[ The words flat; dull. But not empty. ]

Why won't you go back to how things were?

[goodfight]

[Jagged edges of pain shoot through his arm, pieces cutting through nerves and synapses, and Neil realizes he has effectively crippled his own limb from sheer frustration.

Perhaps it is the pain or the blandness in Alex's tones that does the trick. Perhaps he has spent his energy on his emotions. Either way, Neil forces calm. He attempts to find stability, even as his breaths come out harsh and ragged.

He leaves the hand as is, his face contorting further with pain, unable and unwilling to move from the dent.]

Yeah. Right. I'm sorry.

[There is a labored exhale.]

I realized I was wrong about you. In D.C., on the way back to the Mojave, here-- You've showed me how very wrong I was. And that-- Actually caring about me? Voicing that you fucking love me? Telling me things will be okay? The last time Dad told me he loved me, he was long gone. "Not a chance in the world?" "Not with the both of us here?" No one's ever said that to me before!

[He swallows a sob.]

How the hell am I suppose to go back now?

[doubletap]

[ He knew it and he didn't. That this affected Neil, that Neil was changing. But not like this. Alex thought Neil was understanding things better, understanding how Alex felt and thought better. He thought Neil was growing--he didn't know he was on the verge of breaking.

That while Neil has been saying all of the things that Alex had wanted to hear (because he had, hadn't he? Once, he must have had), that Alex in turn has been saying the things that Neil needs.

The things he needs not just to hear, but to have. To possess for his own. Worth. Care. Support. Family.

Despite Neil mentioning James Park, Alex is not Neil's father. It's only that Neil is comparing the only bonds he's had.

Step lightly.

--But there's no need for that, not really. Alex knows exactly how to move.

He steps forward, one arm pulling around Neil's shoulders to force him into Alex's chest, while his other hand carefully pulls Neil's fist backwards out of the metal. Hit him all you want in frustration instead--he's not letting go.

He presses his lips to Neil's hair; breathes out a sound of comfort and quiet. ]

...I'll say those things again. As much as you want. As much as you need. I'll repeat it over and over until it's the stable point in your life instead of all the mess you got instead.

[goodfight]

[There is closeness. There is comfort. There is fractured pain from his hands and arm and the ticking in his chest, and from against Alex's chest, Neil again gives a sound, strangled and harsh. His fingers twitch in their broken state, but no hit is thrown.]

You're going to make me never want to leave you!

[doubletap]

[ Despite this, he smiles quietly against Neil's hair. ]

...Then don't leave me.

[goodfight]

[A simple phrase. Simple affection. Just like that.

And before he knows it, tears are streaming down his damn face. It's sick. It's wrong. It's nothing he understands, but Neil gives in. He shoves his face into the other's chest and chokes on sobs.]

[doubletap]

[ There was a breaking point and they probably hit it way before this. But it's fine. It's all right.

This is another resettling of the mind, another thing to absorb and take in. Alex already did this.

And now Neil is.

Alex holds him like he won't let go. Curls a hand up to pet his hair and rubs a cheek against the top of Neil's hair.

Surprisingly, Alex hums. Quietly--a melody heard in the old world and long forgotten. Maybe a hymn to a lesser god, to sea foam and waves.

Maybe nothing at all but sound. ]

[goodfight]

[He doesn't understand his own sounds. They sink deep into the dark of his mind, touching, chewing, tearing at the pieces he never knew he had. Never thought existed.

Then it all reveals itself.

People died in Vault 101. Innocent people. Known people. He took the fall, and his father was far, far away. He ran, exchanging his nonexistent guilt for a cost many had thought was too high, searching for that chance, that moment, that miracle when he and Dad--good old Dad--would live together. Be together. Just like before.

Springvale, hunger and thirst. Surviving to all the way to Megaton. Learning more about living in the Wastes. Grayditch. Arefu and Ian West. Brotherhood of Steel. GNR. Rivet City. Jefferson Memorial. Tenpenny Tower--Herbert Dashwood, the humans, the ghouls, Roy Phillips. Vault 112. Enclave. Dad. Dad, dad, dad. Being used and abused and who the fuck cares? Dad was dead. Dead.

But it isn't gone, is it? That miracle, that moment, that chance to have something, someone, anyone-- That things might be okay. It's here, isn't it? With this man. With this horribly amazing guy with his terrible way of being. It might be okay here.

There is a sound, low and melodic. It is nothing recognized, but it shifts his attention outward, away from the internal damage. It is here he manages to quiet the sobs. To swallow the tears.]

[doubletap]

[ He doesn't waver in the motions he's chosen--it's who Alex is, was, and will be in the end. He again kisses Neil's head, hands petting over his form.

This person is his. That was all there is. ]

[goodfight]

[Despite himself, despite his tendencies, things regress to simple, to the uncomplicated form. They are, to his observations, standing in a supply closet. Alex provides a different kind of physical comfort, and Neil-- He's practically suffocating against the other's chest.

Still, Neil does not move. Only speaks quietly.]

My eyes hurt. Is this normal?

[doubletap]

[ He makes a thoughtful sound, and smirks against Neil. ]

Well, your tear-ducts have been abused by a shit-ton of irradiated water.

[goodfight]

[...That explains a lot, actually.

Neil groans.]

It's somehow worse than the first time I had to piss after completing one of the chapters in Moira's pet project.

[doubletap]

[ Alex winces obviously, then shakes his head, patting Neil's back. ]

Dumbass.

[ Said affectionately. ]

[goodfight]

[A fair assessment, and it proves enough for Neil to lift his head enough to reveal puffy red eyes.]

...So are you satisfied?

[With his actual answer to the damning question.]

[doubletap]

[ Alex looks at Neil with something close to surprise, but not quite there. After a moment, he smiles, in a way that is quickly becoming familiar.

He touches Neil's chin. ]

I love you. I'm not going anywhere. We're getting out of this, and neither of us will be dying or having any weird issues. We'll dismantle the shit out of this place, because-- We can, and it's us. And then you can look forward to a nice, long life with me dogging your footsteps.

[goodfight]

[He can't help it. He completely can't. Neil laughs at the phrasing as his skin burns from the reassurance.]

Being stalked. What a life. Well, we better start, shouldn't we?

[Even as emotions ebb and flow.]

We have a place to dismantle.