Nigel Kane (
putrefaction) wrote in
abstracts2015-07-01 09:14 pm
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Entry tags:
life and its complications.
[It is a laundry day in someone else's mind.
He took extra steps to leave her alone to her task. She has quite a task ahead of her, and Nigel would only be in the way. Thus, he kept to cat naps, to shifting between waking and sleeping states.
Eventually, his throat demands a trip, and he emerges from his room with the intent to go to the kitchen. An intent that cuts short inches from his destination, when he catches sight of white-gold in the laundry room. Of skin he shouldn't be catching, a floral shape etched against the pale. White with a blue edge. Maybe. It's hard to tell with his sight.
Nigel halts, caught in an emotion unnamed. And as with all his awkward steps, he begins with words.]
A tattoo?
He took extra steps to leave her alone to her task. She has quite a task ahead of her, and Nigel would only be in the way. Thus, he kept to cat naps, to shifting between waking and sleeping states.
Eventually, his throat demands a trip, and he emerges from his room with the intent to go to the kitchen. An intent that cuts short inches from his destination, when he catches sight of white-gold in the laundry room. Of skin he shouldn't be catching, a floral shape etched against the pale. White with a blue edge. Maybe. It's hard to tell with his sight.
Nigel halts, caught in an emotion unnamed. And as with all his awkward steps, he begins with words.]
A tattoo?
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Another whimper sits in his throat. Instead, he pushes it down and away.]
...Yeah, you said that. I'm sorry.
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[ She wants to ask him. If he does want her. If he still wants her knowing a bit of how she is. She wants to talk to him and know him. And yet she can't speak. Not yet. ]
Hug back.
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Thus, he stills within her arms, his hands twitching every odd second in indecision.]
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You know you're my best friend.
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[Otherwise, he might know what to do for her.]
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[ She backs from hugging him and crouches before him so he can see her. She watches him. ]
You stay with me every day. You include me in your life. We like the same things and hate similar things as well. You can be dumb but you're not annoying. You're clever and kind to me. You're my favorite person.
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Her eyes, however, threaten to undo that. Her words do worse.
He mutters his next response.]
Your favorite person who lately seems unable to converse with you without the conversation ending in hyperventilation.
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...You're scared of me.
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...I'm scared of your friendship.
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But. Past the hurt. She knows what he's saying. She knows what he's saying is that he's scared she will leave.
She blinks slowly, gauging. Then reaches to place her hand over his own. ]
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It will pass. It will, eventually.
[The friendship or the fear, he cannot say.]
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...Be honest with me. Please. Show me what you're struggling with.
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...I can't.
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She understands, she understands, she understands. But she can't-- She can't accept-- ]
Nigel--
[ She calls without meaning to, her voice raw without its normal neutral tones. She notes this. Notes the weakness shown and still-- Still leans forwards, head shaking slightly in some emotion. ]
Don't... Don't leave me behind.
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Green eyes widen to show white, and he reaches desperately for her arms.]
I won't-- I won't ever leave you behind!
[The words threaten to choke, but he persists.]
I will never leave you alone!
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Left alone without this man.
She rocks from her crouch to slip onto her knees instead, slipping between his legs to place her head against his chest. She can feel his heart from there--a too-quick frantic pounding. She rubs her face against the skin guarding it. ]
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Words, once passionate, dwindle into murmurs. He curls his arms around her back, finally giving her the hug she had asked for.]
I'm sorry. I didn't meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry.
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[ A denial in sounds, muffled by cloth. She doesn't want to lift her head. His arms feel... correct. Right.
Comforting. ]
...I'm fine. Don't be sad.
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He swallows, attempting to process her proximity and her attempt to comfort. Focus is slowly proving to be a challenge.]
I won't. I'll keep my emotions under control.
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[ It's quiet this time. She tries not to allow her emotions to break through. ]
Please. This is what I meant.
[ She lifts her head to look at him
in stunningly close proximity. ]Tell me what's making you hurt so bad.
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Alanna, I...
[Can't, can he? He can't walk down those steps. He won't look her in the eye.]
I think I might hurt you. Some day.
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You called me Alan.
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...You prefer Alan?
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From you. No one else. And only if you want.
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If it's okay...
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