life and its complications.

[putrefaction]

[It is a laundry day in someone else's mind.

He took extra steps to leave her alone to her task. She has quite a task ahead of her, and Nigel would only be in the way. Thus, he kept to cat naps, to shifting between waking and sleeping states.

Eventually, his throat demands a trip, and he emerges from his room with the intent to go to the kitchen. An intent that cuts short inches from his destination, when he catches sight of white-gold in the laundry room. Of skin he shouldn't be catching, a floral shape etched against the pale. White with a blue edge. Maybe. It's hard to tell with his sight.

Nigel halts, caught in an emotion unnamed. And as with all his awkward steps, he begins with words.]

A tattoo?

Comments

[purificatio]

[ She remembers what he seemed to joke about earlier. She blinks downward unconsciously. ]

...You're scared of me.

[putrefaction]

[Guilt saturates his countenance and his voice.]

...I'm scared of your friendship.

[purificatio]

[ She has no reply to that. She doesn't know what to say.

But. Past the hurt. She knows what he's saying. She knows what he's saying is that he's scared she will leave.

She blinks slowly, gauging. Then reaches to place her hand over his own. ]

[putrefaction]

[She takes his hand, and Nigel can only watch. He can only dedicate his strength to stifling his want to react.]

It will pass. It will, eventually.

[The friendship or the fear, he cannot say.]

[purificatio]

[ She knows it. She knows he is swallowing something down and it hurts far more than the former. She watches him, and despite her inclinations, knows she has to speak. ]

...Be honest with me. Please. Show me what you're struggling with.

[putrefaction]

[Honesty isn't a probability. Not right now, not as they are. Everything of control will be lost if he gives in, and he doesn't want that for them.]

...I can't.

[purificatio]

[ She understands.

She understands, she understands, she understands. But she can't-- She can't accept-- ]

Nigel--

[ She calls without meaning to, her voice raw without its normal neutral tones. She notes this. Notes the weakness shown and still-- Still leans forwards, head shaking slightly in some emotion. ]

Don't... Don't leave me behind.

[putrefaction]

[His name. His false name, yes, but with it, she would implore. Beg him with emotion seeped in her tones to not-- To not leave her behind?

Green eyes widen to show white, and he reaches desperately for her arms.]

I won't-- I won't ever leave you behind!

[The words threaten to choke, but he persists.]

I will never leave you alone!

[purificatio]

[ He grabs for her and she jolts; he declares statements passionately that she hasn't asked for. Had she? Is that what she meant by her words? Is she scared... of being left alone?

Left alone without this man.

She rocks from her crouch to slip onto her knees instead, slipping between his legs to place her head against his chest. She can feel his heart from there--a too-quick frantic pounding. She rubs her face against the skin guarding it. ]

[putrefaction]

[He does not shake her, though he thinks he might. He lacks the strength. Instead, she moves forward to press against him with her face in his chest. The sensation she leaves on his skin burns.

Words, once passionate, dwindle into murmurs. He curls his arms around her back, finally giving her the hug she had asked for.]

I'm sorry. I didn't meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry.

[purificatio]

Mm-mmm.

[ A denial in sounds, muffled by cloth. She doesn't want to lift her head. His arms feel... correct. Right.

Comforting. ]

...I'm fine. Don't be sad.

[putrefaction]

[Ah, Alanna. Asking such impossible things.

He swallows, attempting to process her proximity and her attempt to comfort. Focus is slowly proving to be a challenge.]

I won't. I'll keep my emotions under control.

[purificatio]

No.

[ It's quiet this time. She tries not to allow her emotions to break through. ]

Please. This is what I meant.

[ She lifts her head to look at him in stunningly close proximity. ]

Tell me what's making you hurt so bad.

[putrefaction]

[She entreats, once more. Nigel is having a time trying to not give in.]

Alanna, I...

[Can't, can he? He can't walk down those steps. He won't look her in the eye.]

I think I might hurt you. Some day.

[purificatio]

[ There is irrelevancy catching in her mind. ]

You called me Alan.

[putrefaction]

[He blinks in confusion.]

...You prefer Alan?

[purificatio]

[ She is close, she realizes. Inches and heartbeats away. ]

From you. No one else. And only if you want.

[putrefaction]

[It's surprising, that answer. Enough to cause a shiver to shoot through his spine.]

If it's okay...

[purificatio]

[ She nods; this part isn't a discussion. The rest is. ]

You'll hurt me.

[ She confirms, to reply to his prior fear. ]

I'll hurt you. There will be misunderstandings. But, Nigel. I named myself.

[ I took control of myself. And my life. ]

And I let you name me. I'm willing to risk those misunderstandings.

[putrefaction]

[He's in a state close to shock. She has spoken more now than she ever has since her arrival.

She speaks of things that makes his innards clench tightly.]

Why? You can leave things as they are. Nothing would be lost.

[purificatio]

There would be.

[ She speaks when she needs to, so she can maintain silence when she does not. She needs to now. There's no thought of if she should speak. There is only what is. ]

I'd lose the chance of knowing you.

[putrefaction]

[Pain scrapes against his nerves, her words echo in his head, and pain invades his expression.

He looks as if he would cry.]

You don't... You shouldn't want to.

[purificatio]

[ She reaches to touch his hair. Gently, delicately; a wisp of motion. ]

I want to. I want you in my life.

[putrefaction]

[A hand falls to his hair, and he blinks. A tear slips from his eyes.]

I am in your life.

[purificatio]

[ He cries.

There is wet in his eyes, on his cheek, and she only thinks that his hair is soft. As much as his heart. He is bruised and battered, as much as she, and he refuses to understand the truth that represents.

She shifts upward, stretches her arms around his head, and leans to kiss his forehead. ]

You have to understand. [ She says in the simplest of tones. ] We're no longer alone.