hearthfire for dummies, a closed production

[nehnahlmey]

[In his mind, a project devoted to building one's dwelling is a project best left to rot in Sovngarde, but Alain had thought otherwise. Before Nehnahlmey could raise a word in complaint, Alain took to his task with no intention of stopping, resulting in a week's span of time where the dragon found himself with nothing to do. As opposed to directing his energies in more constructive pursuits, he holed himself in a cave beside a cliffside, counted the number of goats he could have torn apart until ultimately deciding a nap was more entertaining.

Until a concentration of energy seeps into his consciousness. Until he opens a single eye to regard the source near the entrance. Until he catches a glimpse of white hair.

His answer is brief.]

Finished already?

Comments

[purification]

[ The one who watches. It is indeed a title to fit Nigel, if but only in spirit. Alan doesn't blame his other self for changing the dragon's name: It's a mouthful, to say the least. Still, he attempts-- ]

...Zu...uu... Nehnahlmey. What does it mean?

[ It's a question he wouldn't think to ask humans. But to a dragon, Alan wonders. Wonders what the incomprehensible name means.

Much like the rest of what the dragon says. The continuous translation, therefore, is welcome. Alan swallows at the slew of information and leans toward light sarcasm as a defensive. ]

Funny. I think I would have noticed if I was part dragon.

[nehnahlmey]

[...The effort is what counts, the dragon reminds himself. Mortals are not as proficient in the language as they sometimes wish to believe and require a degree of encouragement to reach an adequate level.]

Zu'u. I am. Nehnahlmey. Never Living Fool.

[The name and the associated meaning are said with pride. It is a symbol of status, of power, to be named.]

You must also have a name.

[To share souls with that other man. Or minds, in this case. They tend to concentrate on the same inane things.]

Few Dragonborn know what they are until they've consumed a dragon's soul, but I can assure you, mortal, that you-- [This you.] --are not capable of such a feat.

[purification]

[ If Alan was with the man, he would state how fitting that name seemed to be. But Alan is not, and for some reason, he wonders if the dragon would be offended if he speaks the like. He is curious for another reason, and he-- ]

...Alan. I'm Alan. What does... What do I usually call you?

[ The name that was always used instead, something not Nigel. As with the entirety of this place. None of it calls to sense, not the least of which-- ]

...You stay with someone who consumes your own kind? [ He should be surprised, but the emotion doesn't come. ] But even here, I wouldn't hurt you, would I? And you...

[ The dragon, ancient and knowledgeable, even as a watchful fool. For a dragon to prioritize a man, a hunter born of his kind to kill his kind, and remain after committing what would seem to be the seemingly greatest of sacrileges.... ]

You must love me, then.

[nehnahlmey]

Alan.

[He tries the name with a tone echoing Alan's own. Alain's counterpart. A minor adjustment would match this name to that name, this soul to that soul.]

You call me Niall, the unfortunate byproduct of your single earnest attempt.

[It was a name befitting a pet, a horse, or some pitiful creature. Of course, Nehnahlmey has never approved of it, even as he adopted it as part of his own. For reasons the man claims to know.]

Love? You would attribute a human aspect to a dragon?

[Attribute love to the loveless. He has read enough mortal books to know the concept; however, it has yet to step outside the conceptual realm.

If he was not in a cave, the dragon might sway his tail in contemplation.]

We are a race that consumes. We have lived and died numerous times over. Dinok-- Death does not phase me. [However.] But you have proven to be a rare sort. The one moment in life I have truly been nahlaas. Alive.

[The one he would hate to lose.]

[purification]

[ Niall. One syllable and little else, but it suits this dragon with Nigel's soul. Alan smiles without realizing. ]

...Niall suits you, I think.

[ And separates him from that name. That name that, Alan realizes with a certainty, his other self would seek to separate from the dragon's existence. He will never say Nehnahlmey, that self. Not while that meaning is attached to the word. It is a kind of affection all the same.

As is the dragon's.

Never living, was the translation, and Alan thinks he understands. ]

...That is love, Niall. Life of a kind that warms even the most stagnant of souls.

[ It's because he's in the presence of a dragon, Alan will defend: Of why he's falling to poetics. ]

I was the same.

[nehnahlmey]

[The man would use the name as fluidly as his counterpart. The dragon reacts with a huff.]

You and Alain. Your views are vanmindoraan. Incomprehensible. Tell me: do you also believe Nigel suits my other self?

[It rings as ridiculous for a dragon--as ridiculous as a child of Akatosh finding love. But something of this man's statements warrants further inquiry.]

And where did you find your love, Alan, Ni Dovahkiin? Who gave you life?

[Because if it's not his other self, the dragon is going to set things on fire.]

[purification]

[ Alain. The Dovahkiin of this world, and the Alan Kane where there never was one. The name is one sound off, a long "a" instead of his short, and he wonders what else differentiates.

Perhaps he should wonder if anything is the same. ]

...Nigel is Nigel. He has another name, but I--

[ I don't use it. The same in principle, if not in premise. He shrugs loosely, admitting it in all but words. That sameness.

But Alan has rarely held names as truth, yet perhaps in this world, with this dragon, it is different. However, the second line of query is far easier and less complicated. Alan moves closer, then slowly reaches a hand out and places it against the soft end of the dragon's snout. (Cool. The skin is cool.) A moment, then he pets softly there. ]

...Of course, in you. In your existence.

[nehnahlmey]

[A name forms at the edge of the dragon's consciousness, another symbol for the soul, but Nehnahlmey leaves it be. Only remarks on the truth.]

You have a peculiar sensibility with names.

[And an affection the dragon has yet to witness in full. How fortunate and distressing at once. That a version of Alain would be open to such things... The hand on his snout is a welcome sensation, and Nehnahlmey closes all eight eyes in full.

Before one opens to consider the man.]

Pruzah. Good. You shall have no other.

[purification]

[ The response makes him smile, a softer expression than he normally wore. ]

I won't.

[ A fact, an absolute, solid and true. It was stronger than a vow, for it resounded as an unshakable truth.

But the man would wonder. ]

Is it the same here?

[nehnahlmey]

[Ha. This man may not have the blood of dragons coursing in his veins, but he knows how to speak as one. The declaration pleases the dragon immensely.

The question less so. Nehnahlmey huffs, breaks away from Alan's touch with an expression none can miss.]

Same? No, fahdon. You abandoned me to rot in the far reaches of Skyrim--

[A partial truth.]

--in favor of building a hut in the middle of wretched swampland. That a mortal would choose a slave's labor over a dragon's company, it is hurtful.

[A complete truth.]

[purification]

[ The dragon breaks away and speaks things incomprehensible. Speaks of hurt feelings, and Alan wonders if that is what is the truth.

He steps forward again, reaching up to stroke the dragon once more, his other hand going to Niall's neck. ]

Is that true?

[nehnahlmey]

[To question a dragon can be labeled as foolish; however, Nehnahlmey takes no heed. He stills at the touch and makes a sound that could be described as melancholy.]

It is my truth.

[purification]

[ Alan would be foolish, would move ever further, to rest his cheek against the dragon's long head. ]

I'm sorry that you've been alone. I'm sorry I haven't been here with you.

[nehnahlmey]

[Centuries ago, a relative of Nehnahlmey's had warned him of the destructive aspects of a dragon in captivity. Of how servitude to a mortal can destroy their very core. That skull at Dragonsreach was proof of that, he had said.

Nehnahlmey, however, begins to think it wouldn't be so terrible. So destructive to be brought under this human.

Let him revel in affection for a bit. He will remember his origins later.]

[purification]

[ The dragon is quiet and still, and if Niall is Nigel, it speaks of a want for affection. And Alan must know--for this one is that one--how to fix these pains.

Likely on either side.

He strokes the dragon's head more. ]

Tell me what happened. Why did you separate?

[nehnahlmey]

[Dignity is obtained a beat later, when the dragon has mind enough to provide a decent answer.]

...I could not follow into the Dwemer tower near Markarth and voiced my objections. My reward for speaking out of turn was to be ignored for days. Tol mey. It has been five sunrises and four sunsets already, and the mountain goats are becoming a nuisance to count.

[He's waited so patiently, and no one but this other self has bothered to come.]

[purification]

[ None of the terms are familiar, and yet Alan gets the gist. And understands something further.

...Other than the fact that the dragon is blatantly obsessed with his other self. He wonders if Alain actually knows. ]

It's never just you. I can promise you that. There's something else that's bothering him.

[nehnahlmey]

[A promise calls for potential. Eight eyes fix on Alan in veiled interest.]

You are troubled, then?

[purification]

Do you speak to Alain?

[ An answer in a question. ]

Do you ask him of himself? Do you tell him that you care for him?

[nehnahlmey]

[There is prolonged silence. Then:]

Nid. No. He might reject me.

[purification]

[ He can't help it. Alan breaks from the spell this scenario has cast over him, and bursts out laughing without regard. ]

You idiot.

[ Said so fondly. ]

He would never want to. And if he tries, he's hurting himself. So don't let him.

[ Don't let him reject you. Don't let him leave you behind. ]

[nehnahlmey]

[...There is a sense that this man is making fun of him, which causes a sharp anger to rise. As this man is a form of Alain, however, Nehnahlmey sets the emotion aside.]

You propose I speak my devotion openly. That I have nothing to fear from doing so.

[purification]

You're a dragon. [ He says, not unkindly. ] You should have nothing to fear.

[ But emotions, and those new to them, are another thing altogether. And Alan Kane knows that. ]

You'll always have to fear that. Being without. But do you have faith in me? In him? Is Alain someone to place trust into?

[nehnahlmey]

Zu'u dovah. [An agreement.] But I am not as foolish as my brethren. We have much to fear.

[Consumed by their kin, destroyed by their enemies. Held captive and humiliated. Or in Nehnahlmey's case: being without. Lacking.

The man calls faith to counteract. The dragon's answer is immediate.]

Yes.

[purification]

[ A simple answer to a simple question, and Alan's reply is no different. ]

Then tell him.

[ There was a time in which Alan thought he wasn't wanted. There was once that solitary time that Nigel believed Alan was waiting to leave. Both were incorrect, faded pages blurring to nothing. ]

He won't leave you. Not in the way that you fear.