abstracts | Alternative Methods.

Entry tags:

fallout

Alternative Methods.

Has sex become repetitious? Feeling sore in certain areas? Well, good news! Your boyfriend has sent you on a quest to find different ways of having fun gay sex. Yay!

Find the following people and seek out their knowledge:

Arcade Israel Gannon (=D)
Jimmy (Westside)
Old Ben (Freeside)
Doctor Alex Richards (Novac)
Ignacio Rivas (Helios One)

Good luck, Wanderer!

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Outside the building, an Unhappy Arcade awaits. And not for the quest or what's been found on it.

No. Instead, it is for the hovering eyebot in front of him. ED-E demands to know where Neil is, and obviously Arcade can't make heads or tails of the grating sound.

"Just buzz off already."

ED-E makes a rude noise, then a frustrated set of beeps.

It is a humbler Neil Park who walks out of HELIOS One. Of course, he walks right into drama, with Arcade and a familiar face squaring off. Drama he decidedly ignores in favor of greeting the latter.

"Hey, ED-E," he says. "What's up?"

Oh, thank goodness, Neil is here.

ED-E zips over to him, burbling happily. The sound turns into one of high sadness, then buzzes down into annoyance.

Angry-armor-glasses wouldn't say where you were.

He watches as the unwelcome eyebot zips to Neil and likely bitches a fit.

"Let me guess," he drawls slowly. "It's whining at you."

Let's jump back a bit.

Shortly after his brief affair with a psychotic ferryman whose love of keeping bits of brains in jars, Neil again set off to Point Lookout. (He's a completionist, what can he say?) As he had promised Alex, he brought another, and that other happened to be ED-E. The pair shot, explored, and sneaky beeped throughout that ancient swamp, and in the process, they bonded. Somewhat.

Also in the process, Neil managed to pick up some of the eyebot's language. Which ultimately brings us to the here and now.

"Wouldn't say, huh?" The young man mulls over the sounds before turning to regard Arcade. "Why didn't you just tell him I was in there?" he asks, thumbing behind him.

ED-E makes another rude noise, then buzzes happily at Neil. He would bump into him, but the eyebot is shy in front of others. Especially rude others.

He trills for attention. Alex said you went off with Angry-armor-glasses. You shouldn't be going off alone!

And... By alone, of course ED-E means without Alex or ED-E. Or even Dogmeat.

The sounds continue. They start to grate, like a malicious migraine. "Like I know what it's trying to confer..." he mutters in annoyance.

"At any rate," he goes on, irritation in his eyes. "Can you tell it to go away? We still had another place to stop for your little relationship building quest."

Okay. So it's pretty much common knowledge that Arcade Israel (again, really) Gannon has an axe to grind with ED-E. Why is anyone's guess, but the dilemma still remains. Neil likes Arcade. Arcade has been a tremendous help to Neil with this dumb quest. Neil, however, also likes ED-E. ED-E has been a tremendous help to Neil with the stupid amusement park.

Arcade is Alex's friend, but ED-E is Alex's child and Dogmeat's buddy. Plus, throwing in the fact that the man has some irrational dislike for an eyebot when the little things are just trying to exist in this fucked up world, the annoyance kind of irks Neil Park to no end. Thus, the scale slightly tips to one side.

Neil scratches the back of his head at ED-E's "words," mildly sheepish. "Yeah, I remember," he gives. "But Dogmeat has a play date with Gibson's dogs, and Alex... Isn't he crazy busy with things?" Leader-y things.

He glances over at Arcade, attempting not to snap at the rudeness. "Wanna just meet me up at Novac?" asks Neil, not unkindly. "We shouldn't take too long."

"Anything to get out of another moment with someone Alex should have fried a long time ago."

He easily turns to go, lifting a hand. "See you near the brahim pen." And heads off.

Buzzes! How rude!

Such a rude Angry-armor-glasses. Especially as ED-E had never done a thing to Arcade. But regardless, he has a Neil to admonish.

Alex would go with you anywhere. And I could come with! Are you leaving us out?

Neil waves once as Arcade exits, waiting for the precise moment when the man is out of earshot.

"Wooooooow." He crosses his arms, weight shifting to favor one side. "It's like a robot took a piss in his cereal when he was a tot or something." Though the truth's probably more serious. One doesn't show that much venom without a frickin' good reason.

A sigh escapes his lips. His mind shoves the mystery to the back-burner for another time.

Neil then considers ED-E, pausing for a minute to translate in his head. "Oh, I wasn't leaving you guys out on purpose," Neil says. "I though you were with Alex, actually. As for the old man..." He smiles, the look almost nostalgic. "He probably needs a little air after being stuck with me in a vault for two weeks."

ED-E burbles happily.

You're smiling.

Turning bright red at a child. This is kinda new.

Neil sputters, somehow managing composure a beat later. He clears his throat. "That noticeable, huh?"

Noticeable, he trills happily.

Then moves to buzz in a circle around him. No one wants a break from you. Not me, not Alex.

Ah, fuck. Have a grin, ED-E.

"That doesn't mean you guys don't need a break," he says. "Are you really that worried 'bout me?"

Yes! is the enthusiastic beep.

It was so hard to find you. You keep moving around.

Yes. Something something hard to find something keep moving around.

"Well, they call me the Lone Wanderer for a reason," jokes Neil, straightening. "Though today, I'm, err, running an errand for Alex. So I've been all over the damn place."

An excited buzz.

For Alex? What errand? I want to help!

Wait. Bad idea. Bad, bad idea.

"Whoa, ED-E." Hands go up, palms out. "This ain't a kid-friendly errand. That's why Dogmeat's at Gibson's right now."

Because seeing his precious child while trying to discuss scandalous topics is a surefire way to make everything super-duper awkward. Alex's precious child would also provoke the same reaction.

A moment of quiet buzzing, ED-E hovering up and down in thought. Not kid-friendly. ED-E knows that Neil and Alex think of him as something young--he's already eight years old! But he doesn't really mind. But here, he wonders.

What is it?

ED-E sobers. The moment's enough, just right enough for Neil to at least answer honestly.

"Alex wants me to learn from folks on how to be better at this lovey-dovey stuff," he explains in careful words. "Seeing how we both kinda never had, um, an actual partner. Romantic partner."

The last clarification's there just in case the eyebot thinks he's talking about general friendship.

Lovey-dovey? Like--

Oh! Like when you mate, he buzzes sagely.

And there's that awkward. Neil succeeds in keeping his normal coloring.

Which ultimately means another function fails, and he starts sputtering.

ED-E feels proud and bobs up and down.

You didn't need to go looking. I could help!

And thus plays a clip of a female moaning.

Holy shit. That joke about ED-E recording "relations" isn't a joke at all. Neil stares at the kid, mouth comically agape. When he gets over that ridiculousness, he tries not to bust out laughing.

Ah, fuck it. He's going to start choking on his own laughter now.

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