Alternative Methods.

[doubletap]

Has sex become repetitious? Feeling sore in certain areas? Well, good news! Your boyfriend has sent you on a quest to find different ways of having fun gay sex. Yay!

Find the following people and seek out their knowledge:

• Arcade Israel Gannon (=D)
  
• Jimmy (Westside)
  
• Old Ben (Freeside)
  
• Doctor Alex Richards (Novac)
  
• Ignacio Rivas (Helios One)

Good luck, Wanderer!

Comments

[goodfight]

This is a ridiculous quest. Anyone with a brain would agree.

Those same people with brains are not in Neil's busted old shoes, however, and given the amount of unpleasant side effects that occur after sex, anyone would seek out alternatives. It's just a pity that the Lone Wanderer doesn't have much of a clue about what two guys can do with each other. Vault 101's sexual education class did not cover that topic (or much else, for that matter). Neither did Alex.

So he's diving headfirst into the ridiculous. He is seeking out Arcade.

Arcade Israel Gannon is a medical researcher for the Followers of the Apocalypse, at least until the Second Battle of Hoover Dam hit. Now he's acting as one of the doctors, attending to the many wounded left in the battle's wake. Arcade had been Neil's "supervisor" the first day the Lone Wanderer began his volunteer work. Somewhere along they way, they managed to get a decent conversation or two out of their exchange.

Neil, therefore, barely hesitates walking into the Old Mormon Fort, into the tent holding the aforementioned guy. "Hey," he greets.

[teamdonotwant]

The eastern Capital Wasteland's Lone Wanderer is nearly always a pleasant sight, and as the Courier and his long-term "companion" hadn't been around in a good month and a half. The pair had decided on NCR territory as their vacation from their vacation, and just as going to an irradiated east was a bright idea, just so was a trip to the place from which Alex had ripped away prime real estate. Hello, NCR denizens. Let me just deliver myself into your hands.

"Neil Park," Arcade greets, setting a row of vials in their holder carefully. "Back from California already. Do you need to borrow money to post Alex's bail?"

[goodfight]

Post Alex's-- Neil blinks before quirking a lopsided grin. "Nah, that hasn't happened yet." No figure of authority in all of NCR is going to allow for bail, anyway.

"Just here for a quick respite before heading out," he continues. "You got five minutes to spare?"

[teamdonotwant]

"Alas," he replies in a deadpan. "I thought I'd get to see him downtrodden behind bars." Calling for a conjugal visit, more than likely. Arcade would rather pass.

He sets the last vial and straightens, looking to Neil. "Sure. What do you need?"

[goodfight]

"Maybe another time." Which hopefully should be never.

Neil runs a hand through his newly cut and clean hair, exhibiting a level of anxiety he'd been holding in outside the tent. "Could I ask a favor first?" he starts slowly. "I have a question that's medical in nature, and it--"

He's tempted to glance to each side, seeking out potential interruptions. That, however, is a huge show of weakness. He stays, watching Arcade. "--needs to be discrete. That cool?"

[teamdonotwant]

He crosses his arms loosely, watching Neil with a mildly amused expression. "Five minutes is a favor in certain cultures," he responds. "But digression is a service I do offer. Unless, apparently, you want me to keep it from you or Alex, as I've nearly spit out every secret I'm supposed to hold to you two."

Rambling completed, he inclines his head. "What's up?"

[goodfight]

Neil has rehearsed this meeting a thousand times over in his head, and it all goes flying out the window with the surge of nervous energy taking over. Oh, boy. He's seriously anxious right now. Breathe, dammit.

He inhales sharply, mind briefly touching on the previous exchange of outbursts they had over Alex and his secrets. Before blazing forward.

"Is there an effective way to clean up ejaculatory fluid from the rectum after anal sex?" Neil spits out.

[teamdonotwant]

...God, he is glad that he had put down the fucking vial. If this was a dialogue, Arcade's response would have been an ellipsis. What does one say to a young man when he comes to you on this matter? Medical in nature, he had said.

"...Are you asking me," he makes out, looking pained. "About sex now?"

[goodfight]

Ah, Christ. Neil mirrors Arcade's pained expression with one of his own.

"Yeah," he answers, pushing away the severe temptation to cover his face with his hands.

[teamdonotwant]

"If I was religious," he starts. "I'd probably start calling on the quote-unquote virginal mother of god--" Because who believes a chick about to get married to a guy twice her age was going to lose it to a stranger? "--As I am not, I will start with the obvious."

He narrows his eyes in a nervous fashion. "Does Alex know you're talking to me about this?"

[goodfight]

It's a fair question, after that first day volunteering. "He knows we're talking about sex, yes," Neil gives, his voice attempting calm. "This particular question, no. He doesn't know that I'm asking about the aftermath."

[teamdonotwant]

He drops his arms from the crossed position, then shifts his shoulders as if stretching them--not, of course, a nervous tick. "If I can ask, what did he say when you asked?"

And why are you asking me instead?

[goodfight]

His lips form into a thin line, a discomfort slipping into his features. "I didn't ask Alex," Neil says flatly. "I would prefer not to bring it up to him."

As disclosure may bring about an element neither individual is willing to deal with.

[teamdonotwant]

Arcade's eyebrows hit the roof of the tent. "Wooow," he intones. "That's a great foundation to build a relationship on."

[goodfight]

The man called the Lone Wanderer sighs heavily. "Well, the relationship began as a spontaneous night of drunken sex," he retorts. "We're probably one of the horror stories parents warn their naive children about. Not killing my last thread of dignity is the least of our issues."

[teamdonotwant]

It's enough blatancy to numb some of his horror, and he responds clinically. "Take what you can out with your fingers. You'll stay open for a while, so the easiest method is to hang out in the bathroom and reenact what you normally do while there, as it will naturally leave that way. What's left by that time will absorb and cease to be the problem I'm assuming you're having. In extreme cases, some will use external cleaning methods, but I can't swear by them. You could also slow down on the penetrative sex, but that's my opinion."

And now to die. Hopefully that's all Neil needed.

[goodfight]

The multi-step, dignity-killing process seems easy enough. Neil absorbs the statements, committing every last detail to memory, and in an effort to continue, he lets go of the emotions. The embarrassment and the anxiety.

Which will be difficult with his next words. "That's actually my next question," Neil continues, almost apologetically. "Do you have any advice on...alternatives to penetrative sex?"

[teamdonotwant]

Here, Neil Park; here are another set of ellipsis. Arcade stares, and in the interim, his glasses slip. He reaches to push them up, clearing his throat. "...Again, I would recommend discussing that with... your partner."

[goodfight]

"See, uh--" How to word this delicately? "--that's a bit of a conundrum. I already did. Alex doesn't really have any...alternatives."

Neil coughs.

[teamdonotwant]

There's a pause. A break in conversation. A pregnant moment rich with possibilities.

Arcade thinks, placing a hand against his mouth and chin, other hand cupping his elbow. "Are you saying that Alex Seattle Geer only does anal sex?"

[goodfight]

Oh. Neil does not like that contemplative gaze and telling posture.

"...Yes," he finally says, defeated.

[teamdonotwant]

He snorts.

He can't restrain himself and nearly dies from the thought. It'll probably get him killed and it's staining his brain irrevocably, but.... He holds up a hand, begging a moment. "Excuse me," he makes out. "But do you know that guy's reputation? It's either entirely laughable..." That a man with that kind of gossip is a one-trick horse. "Or he's that good--"

He blanches, waving his hand in front of his face. "Don't answer that. Please don't."

[goodfight]

Yes. Neil knows Alex's reputation, the one the former sometimes wishes he could just un-hear. It evokes complicated emotions within him, every last one of them unnecessary and very unwanted. "I wasn't planning on it," the man states blandly.

[teamdonotwant]

Neil doesn't seem amused, and Arcade clears his throat, sobering. "So what are you asking here, really?"

[goodfight]

Neil knows he's being completely unfair to a guy he now owes for the favor, and it doesn't do anyone good for Neil to harbor retarded emotions. He exhales slowly, willing stability. "What I'm asking is if you had any suggestions for what two men can do instead of anal sex," he says. "Anything at all."

He and his ass will be ever so grateful.