Entry tags:
the story in which Alex Seattle Geer is right for hating enclosed spaces,
and Neil Park is blamed for his knowledge of vaults.
Terminal Entries:
1st Floor, Vault Entry-Room Computer:
- Data Entry 1: Year 20XX, Month XX; There's no escape.
- Holotape Entry 1: Y#4@ SDhig^8705 H98 [data corrupted]; This is hell and I want out of it.
1st Floor, Cafeteria Luncheon:
- Holotape Entry 2: Private Recording; I've had better?
1st Floor, Cafeteria Supply Room:
- Inventory List: Inventory List; A list of food....
- Data Entry 2: Shift Notes; Maybe I should tear the walls down.
1st Floor, Broken Cave:
- Data Entry 3: Preparations; Everything's fine.
- Data Entry 4: Near the End; I'll tell you the truth, but I won't give up my soul.
- Data Entry 5: Finally, the End is at Hand.; This is far enough.
1st Floor, Office:
- Data Entry 6: Vault-Wide Public Service Announcement; Get back to work everyone.
- Data Entry 7: Locked Administrative Reply; You're reaching for straws.
1st Floor, Administrative Secretary's Office:
- Data Entry 8: Drama Hoes; It is sort of funny that people aren't able to lie, though.
- Holotape Entry 3: Bill Self-Log; Byron's access still works everywhere.
Terminal Entries:
1st Floor, Vault Entry-Room Computer:
- Data Entry 1: Year 20XX, Month XX; There's no escape.
- Holotape Entry 1: Y#4@ SDhig^8705 H98 [data corrupted]; This is hell and I want out of it.
1st Floor, Cafeteria Luncheon:
- Holotape Entry 2: Private Recording; I've had better?
1st Floor, Cafeteria Supply Room:
- Inventory List: Inventory List; A list of food....
- Data Entry 2: Shift Notes; Maybe I should tear the walls down.
1st Floor, Broken Cave:
- Data Entry 3: Preparations; Everything's fine.
- Data Entry 4: Near the End; I'll tell you the truth, but I won't give up my soul.
- Data Entry 5: Finally, the End is at Hand.; This is far enough.
1st Floor, Office:
- Data Entry 6: Vault-Wide Public Service Announcement; Get back to work everyone.
- Data Entry 7: Locked Administrative Reply; You're reaching for straws.
1st Floor, Administrative Secretary's Office:
- Data Entry 8: Drama Hoes; It is sort of funny that people aren't able to lie, though.
- Holotape Entry 3: Bill Self-Log; Byron's access still works everywhere.
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But he doesn't know what is needed anymore. ]
Something simple.
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Is that what you want? Simple?
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He speaks quietly. ]
...I don't know.
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[The words are spoken without restraint. Neil releases his hand from Alex's shoulder to run his fingers over the skin.]
Take your time figuring out what you want. I'll wait.
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His voice is rough, quiet. ]
...What the hell are you saying, kid?
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I'm saying that I'm staying with you.
[A strained pause.]
Until you find out what you want from me.
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I know what I want from you. That was never in question.
[ What he's having a problem with... ]
I'm just... I was used to you not being so in this with me. How the hell am I supposed to act when you're telling me you love me and want to stay with me? This whole time, I've been--
[ He swallows. ]
...Preparing for you to leave.
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I'm a shithead. I don't blame you for thinking that.
[Neil nervously licks his lips.]
This didn't come with this vault. This...feeling isn't even brand new to me. I knew when we left D.C. that I wouldn't be able to walk away from you again.
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...What changed?
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Dad is dead.
[What exactly changed.]
That place... [That horrible, traumatizing swamp.] Made me finally let him go.
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Despite how I've been, I'm not unsympathetic.
[ But of course there's a but. ]
...But I'm not a consolation prize. It's not something I want, to be your second choice.
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[Nothing of him is settling for the next best.]
All my fucking wants and hopes and dreams died the day he left Vault 101.
[The hand on the Alex's elbow shakes.]
Can you understand, old man? You've become the first thing in five years that I can't stand to lose. You're it.
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You know it's never been like that for me.
[ He starts, a non sequitur. ]
Sex is sex. It's casual and self-satisfying. It's simple.
[ And he gives a tired smirk at that, before looking to the other side of the room. ]
...Last night wasn't simple. Last night meant something, and yeah, maybe I'm old, but that's something I've never experienced before.
[ Love in sex. Affection laced with care. Movements of love instead of lust.
Alex looks back at Neil, gray-blue eyes watching. ]
You turned everything upside down. You and I--it's not what I thought at all. I thought I understood, but there's a helluva more to this that I didn't know. This right now, it's not the be-all and end-all. This is probably just the start. Fuck, that's scary. You scare the hell out of me.
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Perhaps it speaks volumes that he permitted it in the first place.
It is warm where their skin touches. The words spoken prove overwhelming. With restraint, he buries his head into the crook of Alex's neck and breathes.]
You're not alone in that, you know.
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That it meant something or that I scare you?
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Both. This is unknown territory that I'm willingly crossing.
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...Come a long way from the brat with father issues who couldn't stand me, then.
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Says the "unconfirmed" bachelor with commitment issues.
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Unconfirmed. When did that happen?
[ He murmurs. ]
And I'm committed. It's only been you for as long as I've known you.
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I dunno. Someone else's words.
[The man speaks a detail Neil has not known.]
Huh. I figured differently.
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When he speaks, though, there's none of the usual teasing or lightness that are known from Alex in these situations. ]
Nope. Only ever you. You're all I wanted.
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You... [He laughs, breathless.] You make it difficult to believe we're still trapped in this vault.
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You laugh.
[ Alex says with a small smile. ]
Laughter when it's not just destruction or watching idiocy. You almost sound happy, Wanderer.
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Right now. This moment.
[He nudges his head against the other man.]
I am happy.
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Even if he can't understand, this is what is, and this moment, this person, makes Alex want to be better than the moment before. To become something for this person, more than he was.
He doesn't say this outright, not yet, but he expresses it in other ways than words. Despite the slow atmosphere and the gentle motions, different from their usual forays, it is not breaking. It does not shatter one's mind, but works to strengthen it. There's a thousand questions. A thousand, thousand pieces yet to understand. But it doesn't matter. Not right now.
Not with that smile, that affection, that admission. Not with this person. ]