the story in which Alex Seattle Geer is right for hating enclosed spaces,

[doubletap]

and Neil Park is blamed for his knowledge of vaults.

---

Terminal Entries:

1st Floor, Vault Entry-Room Computer:
- Data Entry 1: Year 20XX, Month XX; There's no escape.
- Holotape Entry 1: Y#4@ SDhig^8705 H98 [data corrupted]; This is hell and I want out of it.

1st Floor, Cafeteria Luncheon:
- Holotape Entry 2: Private Recording; I've had better?

1st Floor, Cafeteria Supply Room:
- Inventory List: Inventory List; A list of food....
- Data Entry 2: Shift Notes; Maybe I should tear the walls down.

1st Floor, Broken Cave:
- Data Entry 3: Preparations; Everything's fine.
- Data Entry 4: Near the End; I'll tell you the truth, but I won't give up my soul.
- Data Entry 5: Finally, the End is at Hand.; This is far enough.

1st Floor, Office:
- Data Entry 6: Vault-Wide Public Service Announcement; Get back to work everyone.
- Data Entry 7: Locked Administrative Reply; You're reaching for straws.

1st Floor, Administrative Secretary's Office:
- Data Entry 8: Drama Hoes; It is sort of funny that people aren't able to lie, though.
- Holotape Entry 3: Bill Self-Log; Byron's access still works everywhere.

Comments

[goodfight]

There is weight behind that laughter, death behind his answer. Neil looks on, mind stewing over both.

"I would ask why," he finally says, "but I'd rather wait for your story. Now, though, just remember you don't have to take this on by yourself."

Alex has his family, after all. And Neil.

[doubletap]

He means to explain it, that truth he just uttered. He wouldn't have to give everything away, no--just that one solitary part. About the explosions that shook the underground. However--

However.

"--just remember you don't have to take this on by yourself."

Alex just stares, the reason why most likely obvious. "What do you mean?" he finds himself saying dumbly. "It's my responsibility."

[goodfight]

The question is to be expected. It's easy to understand the confusion in this person's eyes because sometimes, Alex Seattle Geer can be so fucking stupid. Just like everyone else. And of course, it is this fact that tickles Neil above others.

He offers a lopsided grin. "Your responsibility includes understanding your limitations," he points out, "and knowing when to ask for and accept help. If you're going to tell me that you are the best and only solution to these things, then I'd say you're just playing around."

A pause. "You don't know where to begin, right? Others might."

[doubletap]

Neil speaks in a way others wouldn't, without condescension or mocking, and Alex wonders where this person came from. Where this calm man in full control of his person came from. He thought he was traveling with this angry young kid.

"So I'm off-balance," he starts slowly, full of unwanted truth. "You're really calm and wise right now and it's not really normal. You're being really kind."

Like Neil said he wanted to be, back in the Capital.

[goodfight]

This confession, on the other hand, takes Neil aback. On instinct, the young man starts to scratch the back of his head with his free hand, in an attempt to detract from the awkward expression invading his features. "Well, geez," he says softly. "I thought I was just, uh, being myself, I guess."

Speaking an ancient truth. With kindness, apparently.

Neil blushes darkly at that thought as his mouth moves on its own. "Is that bad?" he begins. "I'm relieved to hear I ain't throwing fits in your direction, but I'm also really confused if I should be. Or not. I...think."

[doubletap]

When Neil blushes, Alex rebalances. Smiles at him. "Glad to be learning another side of yourself, then. I've liked every part of you I've met so far. And it's not bad at all."

And because he can't stop himself--

"It's really attractive."

[goodfight]

Such pleasant words are passing from Alex's lips to Neil's ears, and if the latter's flustered state is of any indication, Neil finds himself more than a little affected. His hand moves to cover his eyes as though thoroughly embarrassed.

"...There's some weird tingly shit going on in my chest right now," he confesses, "and I don't know if they're appropriate for this conversation."

[doubletap]

"Yeah, I call it squishy girl feelings. It's how I feel when you smile at me when no one is around." Okay, you... didn't have to say all of that, Alex Seattle Geer. He sighs loudly, then shifts to lean back against the wall, and against Neil's shoulder.

He tips his head to lean against Neil's, re-entwining their fingers. "We can try a different line of questioning."

[goodfight]

Calling it squishy girl feelings does little to lessen the aforementioned sensations carrying on in Neil Park's chest. They, in fact, nearly cause his heart to stop when Alex mentions private smiles. Neil groans in affect, before shifting his head to bury his eyes in the other's light hair.

This and the subsequent affection help calm, and Neil accepts the opening into a new topic graciously. The Tunnelers and this Divide would wait for another day.

"Sure," he says as his brain scrambles for the most appropriate question. "You, uh, ever date anyone else?"

[doubletap]

Instead of mocking, Neil groans, and Alex is starting to understand that underneath all of the biting remarks, Neil Park is more kind than he lets on. Alex nuzzles lightly, enjoying the moment in all of its mess.

Until the question isn't about the "normal" past and about more specifics. Alex twists his head to look at Neil. "What? No. Never."

[goodfight]

Sob. No, that was also not the most appropriate question Neil could have brought to the table. It's too late to backpedal now, though, judging by Alex's slightly panicked tone. Neil might as well own up to it.

"I heard you weren't the type," he mutters unhappily. "People said you preferred one-nighters. I...didn't mean for that question to just come out, but I've always been curious."

[doubletap]

"Thought I told you that," Alex says, calming at the unhappy tone in Neil's voice. He rests their hands in Neil's lap, fingers stretching out to run down his thigh. "Only wanted you like that. You're the one for me."

[goodfight]

Contact pacifies an otherwise unhappy man, and Neil attempts to clear his mind before speaking. It mostly works. "Want and date are two separate things, I guess," he says. "But I didn't forget what you said."

There's a beat of silence as Neil recalibrates. "Do you miss that? Having that option to do whatever with anyone?"

[doubletap]

"Not in any way," he responds easily. "If I had to go back to that, I don't know if I could. I'm wired to you now."

[goodfight]

The response proves unexpected, and Neil's face shows. "Huh? What do you mean wired?"

[doubletap]

"This is going to be..." Embarrassing, he would say, but his body has already taken over.

"I think I can only react to you now. You're like a fucking drug for me, and it's not satisfying unless I'm with you. I don't think I could get hard for anybody else at this point. They aren't you."

[goodfight]

Neil gets that Alex believes he can't have any other. Alex Seattle Geer, however, has had many guys (if the rumors are to be believed), and for that reason alone, the younger has reason to suspect that may not be true. He looks at the other, eyes wary.

"But I suck in bed," is the protest. "Not literally, I mean. ...You know what I mean. I'm having a har-- ...Difficult time picturing that I'm the best you've had when you had, uh, better."

Much like how it was stated in the holotape.

[doubletap]

"Oral would be pretty hot," he states, then attempts to stay on task. Which is a conversation about sex. Godfuckit.

He leans over and knocks their heads together. "It's not about the physical. And my fucking god, I was hoping to keep that a secret for a while. It's the emotions when we're together that gets me, and if I didn't have that, I wouldn't want it. That connection between us... That's what I love."

Red. So so red faced. "And you are. The best I've had. You react so fucking well and are so tight around me, and when you come, it's so fucking pleasing to know that no one else has seen that and that you're coming for me and that you love me over everybody else. And that you've been coming without me touching you randomly, that is ridiculously hot, and makes me feel like I'm going to lose my mind. I'm supposed to be this experienced guy, but you make me feel like each time is my first, and how do I shut up, oh my god."

[goodfight]

"Oral would be..." Neil's entire self is aflame at the moment, for reasons all too shocking and obvious for his brain to conceive. Even as that very brain starts to imagine all the illicit acts they would commit in the name of cocks in mouths, causing him to again smother his face with his one free hand. "...something to try."

Something to add to the list spewing out of Alex's mouth. The rush of words has Neil glancing up to stare outright at the other's face, absorbing the description, the want of connection in heart and in body, and the overall distress of a forced reveal. At its conclusion, he blinks.

"I really am that to you?" he asks, eyes only for the older man, face perpetually stuck on red. "I actually get you off? You usually seem so in control that it's hard to gauge. Calm, I guess? Much calmer than I am, that's for sure."

[doubletap]

The first has him raising his eyebrows, a pleasant expression on his face. Neil being open to stuff is still something surprising, and more and more, Alex is enjoying being surprised.

Something this vault is helping with. They match skin tones, bright and ruddy, and from his peripherals, Alex notices a discrepancy in this situation. Still. Still. "You're asking if you get me off? You know that for a fact. I don't know how you think I'm calm. In control, yeah, because I know what I want and I know how to act so I don't hurt you. I'm not going to lose that control while I'm inside you and risk making you uncomfortable."

Alex leans down, kisses Neil's cheek even as he shifts their hands higher to brush against the hardness he noticed. "You have to know you're everything to me right now."

[goodfight]

"Well, that...makes sense." A pair can't have two utterly reactive ends and expect sex to be go off without a hitch. The logic is an aspect that Neil can accept, even as his heart beats a mile a minute at the contact, at the lips on his cheek. At the you're everything to me.

He inhales, forcing oxygen down his shuddering lungs. The act serves to pacify somewhat, which allows him to ask once again. "Is there anything you'd change about us? Anything that can be changed?" he starts quietly, tightening his hand. "I don't want you to have any regrets about me."

Regrets that might have Alex taking back those words later on.

[doubletap]

The train of thought is one Alex doesn't like, enough to shift up, reaching to pocket the Chip first, then moving further to straddle Neil in an easy motion, keeping their waists pressed close. He takes Neil's hand again, watching him as he moves to kiss the knuckles. "Stop thinking I'll regret you. You're the one who's had a harder time in all of this."

[goodfight]

Alex presses them close together, skin against cloth, lips on his hand. The proximity reminds the younger man of more intimate motions, of two becoming one, and it's only the mentioned word and not lust that fills the cavities in Neil's chest. The mentioned word and one more--regret and that pesky little shit called love.

"I love you," Neil says. Upon realizing how odd it sounds following the another's claim, he backtracks. Offers context where he wouldn't have otherwise. "And we both had a hard time in this. I just want to be someone good for you, far from what you had in the past year."

[doubletap]

Neil looks straight at him and states his affection, and Alex doesn't know why it makes him feel like crying. His guy is telling him he loves him, that he wants to do right by him, and Alex just feels like a part of him is breaking.

Except he does somewhere. He does know that all of this is his reaction to something real and true and everything he realized in the basement of that fucking memorial. That he lived his life not touching a damn thing, keeping everything simple and light, and suddenly he's in the thick of it everywhere, and everything has so much meaning.

"I can't lose you," is what he says, voice a shift to the side, a slightly distant tone. He holds Neil's hand still, squeezing, and reaches with the other--touching fingertips lightly to Neil's cheek. As if wondering at something new. He smiles, briefly--the expression looking like he might cry. "You have been what's good for me. The only fucking good I've had in my stupid life. I don't know how I found you. How I was able to keep you."

[goodfight]

He looks straight at Alex, at the man on the brink of weeping, and he thinks on the significance. Neil Park feels the tips of another's fingers against his tired skin, wondering if they should just stop. Should just let this disperse into the air before they drown in it. Love and loss and good will come together at some point so why not now? Why not let it pass?

Of course, the vault refused.

"You found me," Neil says, voice barely above a whisper. "I'm here. If you keep me, I will be good for you." Continue being that, even if he might never fit the part.