more ways to break.

[dovahfahdon]

[ Two men settle around a table, low and wooden, rough along the edges. Alain Ebon has made it months ago, but the other man across from him likely doesn't know that.

There's a beat, a moment. Alain thinks to offer. ]

Is there anything you'd like to eat?

Comments

[dovahfahdon]

[ ...The strange reply is worrisome, and Alain's mind instantly moves through the battle, wondering if a stray bolt had hit the child at some point.

He puts a hand up, reaches to the roof with the intention of pulling himself up. ]

Nigel. Are you hurt?

[putrefaction]

[...Alain. Alain. Please for the love of all that is decent, you mustn't come up to the roof. Not until a part of Nigel has calmed down.

He pokes his head out for Alain to see, his cheeks surprisingly pale for an embarrassed man.]

Not at all. My leg's just asleep. Give me a moment.

[To picture the least attractive thing possible in his mind.]

[dovahfahdon]

[ The child sounds okay, and Alain releases his hold on the roof of the shelter. Does so and laughs quietly. ]

I forget you've lived a sheltered life.

[ AKA NOT ONE IN TAMRIEL. ]

[putrefaction]

[Imagination proves unnecessary as Alain's remark kills anything Nigel might have held.]

Haha, yes. Sheltered.

[Ugh. Nigel quietly gets down from the roof.]

[dovahfahdon]

[ A quiet Dragonborn waits him on the ground, and Alain thinks to touch Nigel's shoulder--

Rethinks when his hands are recalled as instruments of destruction. He is silent, then wonders softly. ]

Would you still like to talk?

[putrefaction]

[A straw of hay is brushed from his sleeves when Alain questions. Nigel finishes the task before answering.]

Well, all mourning ceased at the arrival of your guests. I do, however, want to ask about what you told me earlier.

[A pause.]

In regards to your past.

[dovahfahdon]

[ He looks at the other. ]

You wish for things to remain unbalanced? For me to offer more, and you to give none?

[putrefaction]

I have no wish to be unfair.

[Another pause.]

What would you like to know?

[dovahfahdon]

You have not lost anything here.

[ Referring to Alan, of course; Alain's temperamental doppelganger. ]

Why, then, are you so intent to mourn?

[putrefaction]

[Why? Alain would ask, and Nigel would shudder. He would still answer as required.

It takes him a minute. Only a minute.]

I had older brothers once. Twins. They had boundless will and energy--the sort of beings who leave an impression even after they've vanished from your sight. They were my life. Once.

[In another life. He smiles sadly.]

I tried to continue. Honest. I tried to find a reason for living, but each one never quite worked out. [They died. They disappeared.] I guess mourning is my modus operandi--my habit.

[dovahfahdon]

[ Alain cannot say he knows the sort. The description is of heroes, it seems; those in legends and stories. The type that burns and scalds all those around them. Leaving an impression, as Nigel says.

And leaving a echo ache when they've passed.

Touching the other would be disrespectful here. Alain keeps his distance. ]

I understand.

[ And he does: The Dragonborn is solemn, holds to stillness. ]

Reasons for living are not always found so easily. It's far easier to simply "continue," without any attempt for true life.

[ The man has draconic habits--Alain would laugh another day. ]

...And it's difficult when life appears before you, in a form that can leave.

[putrefaction]

[The smile gains a bashful quality before vanishing into serenity. Nigel whispers his response.]

In the form of a familiar ghost.

[White and at times, dangerously violet. He clears his throat and proceeds at a normal tone.]

It's funny. How easily life can slip away and yet can be taken for granted without a thought.

[dovahfahdon]

[ So Alan--and possibly Alain--resembled a person who left Nigel's life. A horrible curse, then, to be so reminded of what had left.

To think that one who looks alike would fall to the same folly. It's a painful thought, but one that must haunt. And nothing Alain could do or say would affect that. Still.

Still. ]

Then don't let it slip away.

[putrefaction]

[Then don't let it slip away. It causes an echo to rise from the inky black and weight to fall into his stomach.

Until then, hold onto what you have.]

Is it right for me to claim him? Alan deserves more than I can give.

[dovahfahdon]

[ The Dragonborn's brow draws together in thought. All of Nigel's words come with weight, value, and Alain considers all of it carefully. Considers, and moves on. ]

Claim him.

[ He states, purely and absolute. ]

It is not about deserving. No one deserves anything.

[ Did Alain deserve a dragon's devotion, after abandoning his family and their place for him? ]

We find happiness, though. Joy, for a time. Fulfillment. And those things are what matters.

[putrefaction]

[Happiness. Joy. Fulfillment. Are they truly what matters? Nigel cannot truly say.]

And his freedom?

[Pain flutters behind blue-green eyes and touches the corner of his lips.]

If I claim him, he will never escape me. For better or worse.

[dovahfahdon]

[ He watches this child. Watches and thinks he quite young. Young, and so much in pain. ]

...And you do not think this is what he wants?

[ To be claimed. Kept. Beside another forever. ]

[putrefaction]

[He blinks. Swallows the tears with a flutter of his eyelids.]

It hurts him sometimes, I think. I am not...healthy enough to respond properly, and when he is kind, I...

[I break him. Nigel cannot finish.]

I do not think this is what he needs.

[dovahfahdon]

[ He watches. Only that. ]

There is nothing wrong with you, Nigel. You may feel that way, but I can assure you. One could not pick up the arts of Man and Mer so simply if there was.

[ That is not the point, however, and-- ]

Ask him his needs. Don't try to define them for him. I've been told I need structure, ownership, mastery, a woman, house and home, more and less. What my needs are fulfilled by is a dragon, of a breed that seeks to destroy and enslave all other living creatures.

None would tell me to look for my needs there. And yet, there it is.

[putrefaction]

[There are points he knows and knows well. He is, despite Alan's repeated claim, far from stupid.

His head is beginning to hurt, and despite everything, Nigel smiles bitterly.]

I will ask him. Thank you, Alain.

[dovahfahdon]

[ This child. He wishes he knew how to comfort him. Comfort is not what Nigel needs, however. ]

Ask what you wanted of my past.

[putrefaction]

[His price paid, Nigel proceeds. The asking is something straightforward, cast in a different light.]

Your former life, the one your mother wanted you to live... What caused you to escape it?

[dovahfahdon]

[ The question asked is worded strangely, and Alain frowns in thought.

The expression wipes away as something shrouded slips over his eyes. ]

...If I was to die anyway, I would rather die on my own terms. I would rather break through the play at familial bonds and despair, and move by myself-- For destruction or salvation, both existed as the same.

[putrefaction]

[The explanation is straightforward and complex both. Nigel blinks.]

If you were to die...?

[dovahfahdon]

If I was to die.

[ The sentence isn't cruelly stated, but there is a weight now, that there wasn't a moment prior. A warning, perfectly placed, along with the Dragonborn's unfathomable gaze--

Is this truly what you want to ask? ]