covers of a book.

[goodfight]

Somewhere in that long journey back to the Mojave, in that broken and dusty old road, Alex had mentioned a book. There was nothing particularly descriptive in his utterance, nothing that would have a guy running to the local rundown library for it, but it was enough to stick in Neil's thoughts.

Thus, when he "serendipitously" caught sight of the book in a merchant's stock somewhere in Nebraska, he snatched it up. He tucked it carefully away in his pack.

And now, a day later with the sun sitting highest in the sky, while Alex and ED-E are up ahead scouting the area, Neil slips the book into Alex's pack, in a place the other man would find easily. He straightens from his task, a small grin playing on his lips, before he notes that Dogmeat is staring at him in curiosity.

"Not a word," Neil tells his mutt.

Dogmeat wags his tail, as if excited about the prospect of a secret.

Comments

[doubletap]

Neil shifts to his elbows, and Alex thinks it's attractive... immensely... the way that he's looking at him. When he speaks, however, Alex stills turns his head to glare, all embarrassment and no anger.

It evaporates. Becomes resigned as well. "...You're enjoying yourself," he mutters. "How am I supposed to react? You don't normally--"

He hadn't meant to say all of that. Probably should have stuck with ums. He makes a self-deprecating face, partially amused by his own ridiculousness. "...Not used to affection, Wanderer. Especially the teasing kind."

[goodfight]

The crescendo falters and falls, and there's something sad about that response. That reaction. Sad but hardly surprising. Neil has never behaved in such a manner, after all. After all, he has only recently wanted to move in this direction.

So Neil sits up, both arms slinging over his knees. His dark eyes holding calm.

"I don't normally," he agrees. "Doesn't mean I can't start. What?" He seeks out Alex's face. "You can only enjoy affection on your terms?"

[doubletap]

Neil sits, and Alex feels on-guard suddenly. Feels like Neil has the upper hand in this scenario and it's incredibly new. Especially since this is really coming out of nowhere. They had been bickering off and on for the past weeks.

He means to question this. He means to ask. Instead--

"...You want to?" he asks quietly, with surprise. Nothing is hidden on his face and he feels raw from this tiny, simple conversation.

[goodfight]

The question hurts something, somewhere, but Neil reminds himself. Tells himself he has just as much fault in this, if not more. It's hard to remember that.

He breathes in. Exhales on a sigh. This is just so. Damn. Annoying.

"Just want to try, okay?" he grumbles.

[doubletap]

Alex watches, and eventually the red in his face lightens. "All right," he says quietly. "I'll probably give you fun reactions for a while--" Or. Forever. Because it's Neil. "--But I won't freak out anymore."

He reaches a hand to rest on Neil's thigh, leaving it there for some sort of comfort. "You're the only person that's wanted to, you know."

Return any kind of affection.

[goodfight]

There's allowance, quiet and hesitant. Alex confesses a detail that surprises Neil, who looks down at the hand on his thigh.

"One would think otherwise," the younger continues. "You seem popular in certain crowds."

[doubletap]

"Yep," he says without bitterness. "I'm popular as a top and a pleaser. People want the experience of me doing stuff to them. Not wanting to actually be with me."

He shrugs. "Which was fine. I didn't want to be with anyone before anyway."

[goodfight]

Alex had a rep. The rep had its good and its bad, popularity without a semblance of true intimacy. Neil understood this backward concept.

However-- "And now?" Neil gives neutrally, eyes still fixed on the hand on his thigh.

[doubletap]

To the neutral tone, Alex raises his eyes. Smiles in a familiar manner. "And now?" he echoes.

Neil needs to spell out what he is asking.

[goodfight]

Annoying. Irritating. The emotion flashes on his face before dying a quiet death.

"And do you want to be with anyone now?" Does he still prefer solitude?

[doubletap]

His hand tightens on Neil's thigh. Without malice, he questions, "Do you really need to ask me that?"

[goodfight]

Neil notes the lump in his throat too late. He stares at the hand, trying not to swallow. "Maybe." A pause. "I don't know. I wonder--"

If this is only a farce, like everything else. His mouth shuts, lips flattening into a straight line.

[doubletap]

Alex watches Neil, and knows there is a delicacy here. He reaches for one of Neil's hands and, keeping his eyes on Neil, brings it to his lips.

"Don't wonder," he says seriously. "I love you. I've told you. I only want you. You're the only one for me." Er. No, Alex. Technically you didn't say that last part. Let's just keep going, shall we? "I didn't want to be with anyone. I only ever wanted to be with you."

He kisses the knuckles again, eyes fluttering once. "If you doubt a thousand, million things, don't doubt that. You wanted my love." He will call back to that locked shanty house, that day they rarely touch on for a few reasons. "You have it. God, you have it," he echoes his lines from that time. Adds more. "You have me, Neil. Never doubt it."

[goodfight]

Don't wonder. Easier said than done. Always spoken, rarely acted upon. Ah, but at this very moment, Neil's just looking to the past. Comparing it to the present, thinking about the future through that lens.

Alex speaks. He has put his words into acts many, many times. In the Mojave. In the Capital Wasteland, waiting for the Duchess Gambit. In the memorial and in that locked room. You're the only one for me, huh?

Neil lifts his eyes to his hand, to the man pressing lips to his skin. He watches for only a moment, then he falls back on the ground in defeat, closing his eyes.

"Alright," he gives. "I won't doubt it."

[doubletap]

He feels like he should say more. Like there's more to say. But he watches as Neil falls back and thinks only to lighten. To try.

"You should realize," he says, tone light. "That I'm your undying servant in all matters." He play-bows his head, then moves to kiss Neil's hand again--

Then licks the fingers instead with a grin.

[goodfight]

The other resorts to lechery to lighten the mood, drooling on the younger man's fingers, and Neil's willing to oblige. He wants to let things fall where they may.

"Oh?" he returns, equally light. "Gosh, I've always wanted a ghoul manservant."

[doubletap]

Alex eyebrows perk in pleasure, retorting near instantly. "I'd only be replacing that one you had." The one Neil told him about in the Capital.

"Charon? Styx? Something like that. I'd rather not just be your rebound, Master."

[goodfight]

"Charon." That name strikes intrigue and nameless fear into Neil's very core. Can't blame him when his nineteen-year-old self was thoroughly convinced his very interesting, uh, employee had the mind to rip him apart at the termination of their contract. There was a reason why he held that contract so fucking fiercely to his chest.

"Maybe you are my rebound," Neil continues. "Life gets lonely without someone there to one day stab me in my back."

[doubletap]

Oh, god. It's too good of an opening. He can't.

"You seemed to like being stabbed from the back, Master."

[goodfight]

...

With that, Neil jerks his hand away and throws a playful punch at Alex's shoulder.

[doubletap]

"Eeeheehee," he giggles, not bothering to dodge away. The "playful" punch connects, hard enough that Alex is going to bruise later. He winces, then grins. "What can I say?

"You made such wonderful sounds."

[goodfight]

Ugh. Hope that punch bruises something (not too badly, though).

"You're such a whore." One eye opens to glare at Alex. "I bet you've recorded things at one point."

[doubletap]

"No need to record things when ED-E is around," Alex quips, making a pained face at the bot's unsavory habits. However....

"A whore, huh? Have you paid me for my services?"

[goodfight]

Neil tries and mostly succeeds in not shuddering. Why, ED-E, why?

Fortunately, the question is much easier to answer. He opens his other eye. "Got my stash now," he replies. "You accept back-payment?"

[doubletap]

Alex narrows his eyes, and moves, swinging his leg back over Neil's waist until he's sitting on him, close. He leans down, expression disapproving, and reaches to tweak Neil's nose. "You don't treat me like a whore, Neil Park," he warns.

Alex remembers the conversation they had in the aftermath of what happened in that locked house. He remembers admitting that he loved things more when Neil liked them. He remembers admitting that he wanted to please him. That Alex touching Neil was a sign of Alex's feelings.

"I love you," he says in something like a growl. "And everything I do with you is showing that love."