It hurts. Past the physical, the motions cut straight into his heart, and despite that perfect clarity, Neil couldn't tell you why. He couldn't begin to sort out exactly why this affection, this correction, this love hurts so damn much.

He thinks respond, to return impressions with like, but he isn't ready. Neil cannot possibly be prepared to offer every scrap and piece of himself. There are delicate matters to consider, a choice to make, and he wonders if this might be the vice that kills him.

There is no going back from here. There is no life if this comes to a premature end.

Therefore, Neil swallows the words. He does not move to reject affection, only stills in his pain and passive acceptance. He breathes in Alex's scent.