Survive. "I do, don't I?" Live through to another day, to start another day, to go through another cycle. He's been at this for less than five years, acclimated to the lifestyle by the way of sheer willpower, and Neil--

(Why do we do anything?)

His head screams like someone ripped it open with a Ripper, and Alex is telling him to focus. Quietly, his expression still contorted, he reaches for a bottle.