[ It's such a hopeful sentiment from such a realist guy. Alex could smile, if not for the other topic. Neil looks to the side, and Alex finds that he is strangely comfortable with this admittance.
It fortifies things. Solidifies them in a way he can understand. For this subject, he lacks shame. It happened, and under any circumstances it would have happened that way. Unless they met differently, earlier, they would still come together as they had.
Alex reaches up, touches Neil's cheek to turn his face back to Alex--he kisses him, lingeringly, then smiles, the expression sad; at peace. ]
It was a Wednesday. You had been conscious a week, give or take. I liked you. I found you more interesting than anyone I could recall meeting. I wanted to touch you. To taste you. I wanted to hear more words from your lips, and find ways to keep you in the Mojave, keep you with me instead of going on to Cali. It was a Wednesday. Vegas had kicked your socks off. I was distracting you with alcohol, wide windows, debates about ammunition. And I kissed you because I liked you. Because you were cute and I wanted to.
But I shouldn't have slept with you like that. I should have waited and went at your pace. I should have gotten to know you, let you know me, and romanced you like I wish I could now. I should have waited to hear I love you before I heard the sounds you make in bed. I never thought about it. Never complicated it. Sex was sex was sex.
But you're different. You're always different. I should have held back. Been respectful. Because I might have lost you. Might have made you distrust me even more. Might have ruined any chances for anything. I love you. And I can't think of how my life would be without you.
no subject
It fortifies things. Solidifies them in a way he can understand. For this subject, he lacks shame. It happened, and under any circumstances it would have happened that way. Unless they met differently, earlier, they would still come together as they had.
Alex reaches up, touches Neil's cheek to turn his face back to Alex--he kisses him, lingeringly, then smiles, the expression sad; at peace. ]
It was a Wednesday. You had been conscious a week, give or take. I liked you. I found you more interesting than anyone I could recall meeting. I wanted to touch you. To taste you. I wanted to hear more words from your lips, and find ways to keep you in the Mojave, keep you with me instead of going on to Cali. It was a Wednesday. Vegas had kicked your socks off. I was distracting you with alcohol, wide windows, debates about ammunition. And I kissed you because I liked you. Because you were cute and I wanted to.
But I shouldn't have slept with you like that. I should have waited and went at your pace. I should have gotten to know you, let you know me, and romanced you like I wish I could now. I should have waited to hear I love you before I heard the sounds you make in bed. I never thought about it. Never complicated it. Sex was sex was sex.
But you're different. You're always different. I should have held back. Been respectful. Because I might have lost you. Might have made you distrust me even more. Might have ruined any chances for anything. I love you. And I can't think of how my life would be without you.