If I was looking at myself, I would say that I'm not healthy enough to be in a relationship.
[ It comes out, all truth and harsh edges, and he sits up, stares at his hands in his lap. He thinks of Betsy, again, again, and hadn't realized how much of his identity had been set with how he dealt with her.
His voice is small. ]
...It's not you, Neil. I... I hate myself. Everything about me. And eve--everything that matters-- When you came to the Mojave, I had spent the last six months packing it away. Hiding from everything. Even the guys at the 38, I hadn't talked to them in....
[ He trails off. Swallows. ]
Neil, all that I am is the Mojave and what happened in it. When I got shot... I can't remember a thing. I know facts. Details. Know what I like and don't like. But I can't tell you--
[ "How am I supposed to know you if I don't know where you come from?" ]
--where I came from. I can't tell you the kind of person I was. It's me, but it's not, and I don't know... If I should have just died instead. Instead of all that happened by my hands in that desert.
no subject
[ It comes out, all truth and harsh edges, and he sits up, stares at his hands in his lap. He thinks of Betsy, again, again, and hadn't realized how much of his identity had been set with how he dealt with her.
His voice is small. ]
...It's not you, Neil. I... I hate myself. Everything about me. And eve--everything that matters-- When you came to the Mojave, I had spent the last six months packing it away. Hiding from everything. Even the guys at the 38, I hadn't talked to them in....
[ He trails off. Swallows. ]
Neil, all that I am is the Mojave and what happened in it. When I got shot... I can't remember a thing. I know facts. Details. Know what I like and don't like. But I can't tell you--
[ "How am I supposed to know you if I don't know where you come from?" ]
--where I came from. I can't tell you the kind of person I was. It's me, but it's not, and I don't know... If I should have just died instead. Instead of all that happened by my hands in that desert.
[ And the Divide. ]