I didn't even think of it. I had been doing it since February. I met you in August. And we started going all over the place. It didn't come up.
[ This is said blandly, emotionlessly, painful and lacking. And all of it is excuses, even if it's the goddamn truth, because Neil isn't talking about the hair, not really. He's talking about what he said: He doesn't know a thing about Alex.
And he remembers drinking in Novac, before heading to the Capital, and he remembers Neil starting about rumors and Alex not telling him anything, and Alex--
"Shameful secrets, hmm," he had said, all innuendo. "My favorite things."
"I'll say. You're just full of shameful secrets, aren't you? You won't even let me ask other people about them." Because other people know, Neil. And they don't know enough. They either saw the bad or the good, but not both. Not me.
"Like I want you to know that shit. I like it better that you know me, rather than my stories." Just me. Not the White-Haired Courier. Not the Hero of Hoover Dam.
"How am I supposed to know you if I don't know where you come from?" I don't know where I came from.
"Why do you care if you know me, if you're going to leave me?" What if that makes you leave me.
"Because that's one of the reasons why I'm going. Because I don't know what the hell to make of you." And Alex had--
no subject
[ This is said blandly, emotionlessly, painful and lacking. And all of it is excuses, even if it's the goddamn truth, because Neil isn't talking about the hair, not really. He's talking about what he said: He doesn't know a thing about Alex.
And he remembers drinking in Novac, before heading to the Capital, and he remembers Neil starting about rumors and Alex not telling him anything, and Alex--
"Shameful secrets, hmm," he had said, all innuendo. "My favorite things."
"I'll say. You're just full of shameful secrets, aren't you? You won't even let me ask other people about them." Because other people know, Neil. And they don't know enough. They either saw the bad or the good, but not both. Not me.
"Like I want you to know that shit. I like it better that you know me, rather than my stories." Just me. Not the White-Haired Courier. Not the Hero of Hoover Dam.
"How am I supposed to know you if I don't know where you come from?" I don't know where I came from.
"Why do you care if you know me, if you're going to leave me?" What if that makes you leave me.
"Because that's one of the reasons why I'm going. Because I don't know what the hell to make of you." And Alex had--
How stupid. "So I'm driving you crazy, huh?" ]
...I must be driving you crazy.