covers of a book.

[goodfight]

Somewhere in that long journey back to the Mojave, in that broken and dusty old road, Alex had mentioned a book. There was nothing particularly descriptive in his utterance, nothing that would have a guy running to the local rundown library for it, but it was enough to stick in Neil's thoughts.

Thus, when he "serendipitously" caught sight of the book in a merchant's stock somewhere in Nebraska, he snatched it up. He tucked it carefully away in his pack.

And now, a day later with the sun sitting highest in the sky, while Alex and ED-E are up ahead scouting the area, Neil slips the book into Alex's pack, in a place the other man would find easily. He straightens from his task, a small grin playing on his lips, before he notes that Dogmeat is staring at him in curiosity.

"Not a word," Neil tells his mutt.

Dogmeat wags his tail, as if excited about the prospect of a secret.

Comments

[doubletap]

Alex narrows his eyes, and moves, swinging his leg back over Neil's waist until he's sitting on him, close. He leans down, expression disapproving, and reaches to tweak Neil's nose. "You don't treat me like a whore, Neil Park," he warns.

Alex remembers the conversation they had in the aftermath of what happened in that locked house. He remembers admitting that he loved things more when Neil liked them. He remembers admitting that he wanted to please him. That Alex touching Neil was a sign of Alex's feelings.

"I love you," he says in something like a growl. "And everything I do with you is showing that love."

[goodfight]

The answer affects, and the bantering comes to an abrupt end with the presence of weight and a sharp sensation on his nose.

Neil doesn't yelp. He doesn't seek denial, offer humor, or turn it into something else. No, when Alex tells him that he loves him, Neil pulls himself upward and wraps both arms around Alex in a tight embrace.

"Yeah," he says gently. "I know."

[doubletap]

Instead of a joke or a denial, Neil reaches up and hugs him firmly. And something in Alex softens, despite everything to the contrary.

He presses his face into Neil's shoulder, shifting his legs to wrap around Neil's waist, ankles crossing behind him. He holds him in turn. "Hate you," he mutters, without heat.

Because you're throwing me off guard. Because this whole morning has made him feel more vulnerable than he has in years upon years.

He squeezes tightly, nuzzling in.

[goodfight]

He could humor Alex. Draw upon his power of denial to put up a resistance to this love, but there isn't a need. Not when someone's reacting to him, Neil Park, the existence that cannot affect anything.

He presses his face against Alex's chest, enjoying another holding him close.

"You would," he murmurs.

[doubletap]

This is too... nice. Too close. And that makes him need to add something light. Per usual. As always. It isn't only Neil who needs to accept how they feel.

"Don't know why you went for the ass, though," he says into Neil's shoulder. "Your hand is much better when wrapped around... other places," he ends with a smile in tone.

[goodfight]

Alex makes light commentary, and Neil thinks back. Recalls that moment as a flush slowly creeps over his face.

"Tell me when," he says from Alex's chest. "And I can arrange for that to happen again."

[doubletap]

Alex gives a quiet laugh. "Since when are you wanting to do stuff?"

[goodfight]

Here, have a simple answer for a simple question. "First time's always the most difficult. When one's most hesitant. Subsequent times? Not so much." Especially when Neil got the reaction that he did.

He sighs and wonders if he's finally gone insane.

[doubletap]

Alex actually pulls back to stare, an incredulous smile on his face. "Get out. No way."

[goodfight]

Neil smiles back at him, something candid in his countenance. "Only one way to find out," he says as he releases his hand to slowly creep down to one of Alex's belt buckles.

[doubletap]

A flush creeps up Alex's face. He rests his hands on Neil's forearms. "You don't have to... Didn't you want to get moving?"

...They're actually ahead of schedule and Alex knows it.

[goodfight]

Hands do not stop Neil Park from attempting to loosen the buckle. "I more wanted to eat my Sugar Bombs," he retorts, "but now that you mention it, jerking you off sounds like a much better idea."

Especially to see that flush spread.

[doubletap]

"--Shit," he says, gaping at the response. His cock has also decided that the response deserves attention, as it pushes up against the cloth.

"What a fucking filthy mouth," he continues, pretending his breathing's not off. "Where did you learn that?"

[goodfight]

There's that guy. So happy in his anticipation.

Neil moves onto the second buckle, calm overwhelming even the urge to be smug. "I was a teenager once, you know," he says matter-of-factly. "You pick that kind of stuff up in school."

In reality, he picked it up from an old book at the age of twelve.

[doubletap]

When the second belt comes undone, Alex's hands tighten on Neil's arms--not stopping him, just wanting. Something.

Reassurance, maybe, but hell if Alex knows that.

His voice comes as breathless, soft and anxious. "Neil--"

And there's really nothing to say.

[goodfight]

That voice, that soft utterance of his name has fire coursing through his veins, and Neil-- He stops. Sets his hands away from the buckle to again snake them around Alex's torso.

"It's okay," he murmurs gently. "Sorry. That was mean."

[doubletap]

About to tremble, the embrace fortifies him. Where he would snap at the comfort, he instead leans into it. He breathes out, hands moving up to Neil's biceps to hold.

"...For being a cocktease?"

[goodfight]

Holding Alex, Neil can feel his heartbeats, strong and fast. The younger man again wonders about his own state of mind. "Something like that," he says easily.

He releases the other long enough to start redoing Alex's buckles.

[doubletap]

Now he does reach to stop him. "Hey. What's going on?"

[goodfight]

He stops, of course, with his eyes fixed on the metal. Lies would be easy, but they do not serve a purpose here. Besides, Neil doesn't believe they would ever get past Alex.

"I keep expecting simple," he says slowly. "Being kind, that is." Gifts. Genuinely showing want. Desire. "But I keep forgetting I'm no good at kindness."

[doubletap]

The explanation hurts something inside of him; not his own pain, but another's. It makes him reach for Neil, tilt his head up, to kiss him like he means it.

For his tongue to follow suit to press inside, chasing reasons unsaid and kept sorrows.

[goodfight]

Alex lifts his head and presses lips to his. Presses in to take his mouth, and Neil allows the gesture. Lets it happen.

He wishes he could do more. Give more. But there's nothing worthwhile to offer at the moment, and when it stops, Neil can only look away.

[doubletap]

Alex breaks to breathe, and Neil looks away. He grabs his chin more forcefully, to kiss him thoroughly more.

His other hand still on Neil's wrist, he presses Neil's hand--echoing a few weeks before--to the bulge in his pants.

[goodfight]

He's pulled in, further and further, as his hand is pressed to the leather. To feel the organ underneath. And Neil cannot help the small noise he makes against Alex. Cannot help tightening his hold on the other.

[doubletap]

The sound is enough. Alex breaks the kiss, leaving their foreheads touching as his hand moves backward into Neil's hair.

"You're kind enough for me," he replies, a beat late, voice low. "You're enough for me."