At the prospect of a new quest without his preferred compensation, Neil groans. "It's like I can't escape the weirdo rep," he whines whilst shifting awkwardly in Alex's arms. Talking about adolescence always makes the Lone Wanderer feel retarded as shit.

"Tried to jerk off once." A great start to a great series of events. "Just out of curiosity. Felt no different than rubbing my arm. Pin-ups were currency for pent-up boys in a vault, but I never got anything out of them. Funny story, though. Dad caught me with one when I was thirteen, and he freaked the fuck out. Started going off about boys and girls--"

"Boys and girls have different parts, Right? Now listen closely."

"--and I stood there with my mouth shut, nodding along, trying very hard not to let it slip that I already read up on the horizontal tango five years ago."